Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[Teaching Faculty Wannabe]

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Adelaide9216]

I am starting to feel insecure again about my thesis. I am doing a thematic analysis. The thing is that I don't know how to code my interviews & focus groups and if I should do an intercoder reliability testing before actually starting coding. I don't know what I am doing. This is so confusing.

Edited November 13, 2018 by Adelaide9216

[sgaw10]

I feel like I am just wasting my time applying. My GPA is horrendous, and I don't think that a top undergraduate institution, great LORS and SOP, and average GRE scores will be enough for me to get into a school I really like.

[Sigaba]

3 hours ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I am starting to feel insecure again about my thesis. I am doing a thematic analysis. The thing is that I don't know how to code my interviews & focus groups and if I should do an intercoder reliability testing before actually starting coding. I don't know what I am doing. This is so confusing.

Have you had any luck searching for answers to these questions on jstor and other academic data bases or Google?

[Adelaide9216]

3 hours ago, Sigaba said:

Have you had any luck searching for answers to these questions on jstor and other academic data bases or Google?

I have read articles, books on thematic analysis. I have also done a lot of research on Google. It’s clearer in my head but I still feel very insecure about coding. I have little guidance from my supervisor also so I am afraid of doing everything wrong. I realize my supervisor is not the best person for qualitative research. She studies the same research topic as I am, from a slightly different angle ,but she's a quant researcher at heart. I also don't really know what are the expectations for my thesis at this stage also. I have read the elements I will be evaluated for on my uni's website, but I still am afraid of producing something that's not scientific enough and that's not good enough for a master's thesis. 

Edited November 14, 2018 by Adelaide9216

[Sigaba]

16 hours ago, Adelaide9216 said:

 I also don't really know what are the expectations for my thesis at this stage also. I have read the elements I will be evaluated for on my uni's website, but I still am afraid of producing something that's not scientific enough and that's not good enough for a master's thesis. 

1

You might address this concern by reading master's theses that have been previously approved. Pie in the sky, you'll be able to find examples produced in your department and/or addressing the same subject and/or using a similar methodology. I believe that if you spend a few hours doing this kind of background research you'll find out what I suspect: you're doing just fine. Right now, your greatest opponent is your fear of failure, not your ability to work hard, not your ability to think things through. What would you do if you weren't afraid of failing?

[Adelaide9216]

6 hours ago, Sigaba said:

You might address this concern by reading master's theses that have been previously approved. Pie in the sky, you'll be able to find examples produced in your department and/or addressing the same subject and/or using a similar methodology. I believe that if you spend a few hours doing this kind of background research you'll find out what I suspect: you're doing just fine. Right now, your greatest opponent is your fear of failure, not your ability to work hard, not your ability to think things through. What would you do if you weren't afraid of failing?

Yes, I am very afraid of failing. People in grad school are often over-achievers,type A students & are not used to failing. It's challenging to not have clear guidelines and to do this for the first time, but I guess that's also part of the research process, the ambiguity of it all, especially in qualitative research. I have to say that I have also tried to look for master's thesis in my field using the same kind of methodology that I did and I am struggling to find something that really clears things up for me but I am going to search a bit more. 

[Adelaide9216]

I think if I was not afraid, I would just do whatever feels right in the moment and then wait for the comments of my advisor AFTER I have tried to produce something of quality. Right now, I'm just blocking trying to get it all perfect from the very start.

[PokePsych]

28 minutes ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I think if I was not afraid, I would just do whatever feels right in the moment and then wait for the comments of my advisor AFTER I have tried to produce something of quality. Right now, I'm just blocking trying to get it all perfect from the very start.

I don't think your attitude is necessarily wrong - especially when it comes to science. What you want to learn/do however (and i'm still learning too) is find a way to deal with ur anxiety. It took me a good month to get the courage (and run my ideas by 5 people) before I dared to send them of to my advisor. It's not good, because a) I lost valuable time, b) I was stressed for absolutely no reason, c) he was SUPERenthusiastic (so I was 'afraid' for nothing). 

At the same time, it's never wrong to have a close look if what you're doing makes sense - or at least whether you'd be able to defend and/or sell it. My friend's committee just destroyed her thesis (because she was not careful like you/did not care enough if she was doing it right), forcing her to take an extra semester.

I think you need to find a balance, I'm still err-ing on the same side as you (although to a lesser extent).

[Adelaide9216]

1 minute ago, Psygeek said:

I don't think your attitude is necessarily wrong - especially when it comes to science. What you want to learn/do however (and i'm still learning too) is find a way to deal with ur anxiety. It took me a good month to get the courage (and run my ideas by 5 people) before I dared to send them of to my advisor. It's not good, because a) I lost valuable time, b) I was stressed for absolutely no reason, c) he was SUPERenthusiastic (so I was 'afraid' for nothing). 

At the same time, it's never wrong to have a close look if what you're doing makes sense - or at least whether you'd be able to defend and/or sell it. My friend's committee just destroyed her thesis (because she was not careful like you/did not care enough if she was doing it right), forcing her to take an extra semester.

I think you need to find a balance, I'm still err-ing on the same side as you (although to a lesser extent).

Yes, its hard to find that balance. I'm an anxious person by nature and I'm a perfectionist and my biggest fear is doing my entire thesis and getting it entirely destroyed by the external examiner. The thing is that my current supervisor always says that everything I do is perfect, she NEVER criticizes me which is a double-edge sword in my opinion. If I don't succeed, I will have to cancel my admission to PhD for Fall 2019 + all the scholarships I have applied to (even if I do get them, I'd have to cancel them because they can't get postponed to another year), etc. I feel a lot of pressure to finish my thesis, especially since my uni told me that I need to finish in April in order for me to graduate on time. If I finish during the summer, I'll graduate too late and won't be able to enter the PhD program next Fall

[PokePsych]

3 minutes ago, Adelaide9216 said:

Yes, its hard to find that balance. I'm an anxious person by nature and I'm a perfectionist and my biggest fear is doing my entire thesis and getting it entirely destroyed by the external examiner. The thing is that my current supervisor always says that everything I do is perfect, she NEVER criticizes me which is a double-edge sword in my opinion. If I don't succeed, I will have to cancel my admission to PhD for Fall 2019 + all the scholarships I have applied to (even if I do get them, I'd have to cancel them because they can't get postponed to another year), etc. I feel a lot of pressure to finish my thesis, especially since my uni told me that I need to finish in April in order for me to graduate on time. If I finish during the summer, I'll graduate too late and won't be able to enter the PhD program next Fall

All these feelings are incredibly normal - I share many of them with you. I don't know why, as objectively I seem to be pretty good at what I do (and based on feedback). 

If it really bothers you that you don't get enough criticism & you're in some way close to your advisor, bring it up. It leaves you in the dark really, which is not good.

 

And last - don't worry about things that may or may not happen - worry about PhDs and scholarship if/when the time gets to it...

[AnotherGuy]

A high paying R&D industry job or an average boring federal job? 

[Cheshire_Cat]

Uncourteous smokers. Look, I don't care what you do with your life, smoke or not. But second hand smoke does have adverse effects on people around you. A neighbor moved in today who lives next to me and now my entire hall corridor smells like cigarette smoke. And it got into my apartment while my door was closed and haven't even been opened for a while. I hate cigarette smoke. I hate smoking. I lost two grandparents to lung cancer caused by second-hand smoke and another to emphysema. 

I get that it is an addiction, and there have been people in my life who I love who smoke, but there are things you can do to make sure that other people don't have to suffer with you. And now it is winter, and all the smokers will want to stand in the doorways/staircases rather than going outside to smoke. Look, I don't let my dog poop in the doorway just because it's too cold outside, you shouldn't smoke there either. Plus, my dog's shit smells better.

I'm ready to get out of this damn town and get my own house and some space away from people. 

[PokePsych]

when you plan to write but you end up watching youtube and movies..

[bibliophile222]

I hate group projects so much. Even when the people you're working with are competent and responsible, the logistics are so obnoxious. I spent almost two hours on the phone the last day and a half coming to a consensus on a project with many components and kind of vague instructions on how to do part of it.

I also misspelled "consensus" when I submitted our "group concensus" document. ?

 

Edited November 19, 2018 by bibliophile222

[bibliophile222]

I am SO MAD at my wifi (or modem? or both?) The network is showing up and I'm connected to said network, but the actual internet keeps dropping every few minutes. 

What makes matters more annoying is that I have no access to the modem. We live above a preschool, which is our landlord, and wifi is included in the rent, but the modem is downstairs in the locked preschool, so if there's ever an issue with it I can't reset it. There have been a few times it got unplugged in the afternoon/evening and I had no internet until morning. However, there have been other times like this that the network shows up but the internet cuts in and out, and even when it works it's pretty slow. I can't tell if it's the modem/router or the network itself. I mean, I am in Vermont, where internet speeds are known for sucking, but I'm in the most populated part of the state, it can't be that bad, right?!

It's okay, only a year and eight months before I can move into a normal apartment that has access to a modem, a freaking thermostat, an overhead light for the bedroom, and outlets that aren't weirdly shaped and unable to accommodate my power strips. I do like the wood floors and the plethora of windows in the bedroom, but this slow, inconsistent wifi is getting to be a real problem.

[placeinspace]

Just got my first ever conference rejection. Glad it happened sooner rather than later so I can get used to the feeling but it's definitely a bummer.

[Adelaide9216]

17 hours ago, kgras13 said:

Just got my first ever conference rejection. Glad it happened sooner rather than later so I can get used to the feeling but it's definitely a bummer.

I am sorry! You'll do better next time. It's happened to me also a few years ago, but I did an international conference last year and it went well. It's an opportunity to learn and improve.  

[Ryan4]

I have no network and know nobody in my MS biology grad program. Only one Professor knows I exist, and they are more concerned for my psychological well-being given my poor performance in class. I don't have a Thesis topic, I am overwhelmed by the amount of topics there are. I am jealous of all the people who are in research labs, and I feel like I don't even compare or will ever get noticed for any opportunities. I have never had a job before, so I have no idea how to successfully land a job or even have a work ethic. This is my third semester and I still need 22 credit hours, plus the Thesis work that I have not started. I have only registered for one class next semester and most classes are full now. My life is a mess and I have no friends to turn to, depression and anxiety have been ruling my life. I don't know what to do.

Edited November 21, 2018 by Ryan4

[PokePsych]

I hate my crazy downstairs neighbor. Srsly bitch stop screaming and talk normally!

[nęm0]

For all you ladies wondering why they are still single at age xyz, grad school involves a few sacrifices here and there. You shouldn't take it as an insult to yourself but think of it as making more room for you to grow. You are most likely witty with great inner beauty.

[Ryan4]

14 hours ago, Smeb said:

For all you ladies wondering why they are still single at age xyz, grad school involves a few sacrifices here and there. You shouldn't take it as an insult to yourself but think of it as making more room for you to grow. You are most likely witty with great inner beauty.

This applies to guys as well, grad school is putting you miles ahead of others your age and you can only improve further, don’t beat yourself up over being single because you’re the best bachelor/bachelorette out there.

[pgt2018]

just submitted 3/10 apps today. about to submit 4 more by the end of the day. just when i think this process ends here, i remember that we have the joy of doing this all over again for every grants and fellowship we apply to in the future. YAY academia!

[Levon3]

2 minutes ago, pgt2018 said:

just submitted 3/10 apps today. about to submit 4 more by the end of the day. just when i think this process ends here, i remember that we have the joy of doing this all over again for every grants and fellowship we apply to in the future. YAY academia!

lol this is something I didn't know when I applied to grad school. I thought the anxious waiting was over when I was admitted ??

[nęm0]

At what point do you stop looking at your sop! I have worked on mine for about 6 month- beginning or summer until now. I still dont feel like its perfect, I have agonized over words wondering what feels more natural. As an ESL person, it was hard.