Aenrichus Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 It has already been said plenty of times, but what I get is, "I'm sure you will get in. You're so smart and you applied at eight schools, right?" Supportive, but all of the people surrounding me have no idea of the reality of the graduate school application process. I do hope they are right. I also get the, "There are plenty of great schools in Ohio. Why would you want to live so far away?" They see it simply as a place to study rather than do research, not knowing that I need to enter a program with professors who have similar interests.
danaofdoom Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I also get the, "There are plenty of great schools in Ohio. Why would you want to live so far away?" They see it simply as a place to study rather than do research, not knowing that I need to enter a program with professors who have similar interests. I get the opposite. "You should definitely go to one of the California schools, not Pittsburgh, it's so depressing." Firstly, I don't know how many options I'll even have, and second, it depends on who gives me funding/which program is better. I'm not going to school to get a tan!
PsycD Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I have no words for some of these comments. I'm so relieved to have this thread to know that it's not just happening to me. When people say crazy things to me (about once a week), I just try to remember that most of them are totally clueless about the whole process and many have not pursued post-bac education. They're just trying to be...helpful? Encouraging? Supportive?
ReResearch Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Don't do it, you're still young and have time to think about this. (From almost every grad student and postdoc that I've ever met)
meese Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 My particular favorite comes from my mother's boss's wife: "Photography, said derisively, what use is that?" Most range from the "well that's useless" to the "you want to live off your family forever?" and the "your cousin who is your age is an actuary, why couldn't you do that?" My father is a staunch believer in all college being useless. And my inability to find work in my field as me not trying hard enough. If I try any harder, I'd be flinging body parts at people for them to notice me.
roguesenna Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) My particular favorite comes from my mother's boss's wife: "Photography, said derisively, what use is that?" Most range from the "well that's useless" to the "you want to live off your family forever?" and the "your cousin who is your age is an actuary, why couldn't you do that?" My father is a staunch believer in all college being useless. And my inability to find work in my field as me not trying hard enough. If I try any harder, I'd be flinging body parts at people for them to notice me. I feel you. My SO has his MFA in film and we've only been living in NYC for about a year while he looks for work. He's had one TV gig and a few commercials and sporting events. The season ended in the fall and he's been struggling for a month or two and his family is all "MOVE TO BALTIMORE AND WORK FOR YOUR COUSIN WHO OWNS A BAR" or "MOVE TO COLORADO AND COME LIVE NEAR (note, not *with*, but near) YOUR DAD" etc. etc. Meanwhile they conveniently forget that I just applied to a bunch of six year programs here... but anyway. Edited January 22, 2014 by roguesenna
Sarah Bee Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 "You" plan to go abroad for studies?? You are already 27, when will you get married?" Pisses me off like anything!
PsycD Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 "You" plan to go abroad for studies?? You are already 27, when will you get married?" Pisses me off like anything! Don't get me started... Just wait until you hit your 30s and everyone starts looking at you with a look of pity as if to say, "Oh you poor, poor thing...you're not married yet, so you have nothing else better to do with your life than pursue an advanced degree."
bgguitarist Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Don't get me started... Just wait until you hit your 30s and everyone starts looking at you with a look of pity as if to say, "Oh you poor, poor thing...you're not married yet, so you have nothing else better to do with your life than pursue an advanced degree." The problem is, even when you do get married, they still give you the slant-eyed, why-aren't-you-at-home-raising-babies look/question. And they flip out if your career is the one that is determining where you and SO will spend the next 5-7 years. Sigh. Sarah Bee 1
Sarah Bee Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Don't get me started... Just wait until you hit your 30s and everyone starts looking at you with a look of pity as if to say, "Oh you poor, poor thing...you're not married yet, so you have nothing else better to do with your life than pursue an advanced degree." Tell me about it
Sarah Bee Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 The problem is, even when you do get married, they still give you the slant-eyed, why-aren't-you-at-home-raising-babies look/question. And they flip out if your career is the one that is determining where you and SO will spend the next 5-7 years. Sigh. lol yeah and I come from a very traditional set up wherein girls are married off before they hit 25. It's kind of like I rebelled and broke the established norms and on top of that, I am planning to fly to an alien country completely unaided for a better career. I guess, deep down, people are jealous and envious of others' success, and since they cannot say anything positive about you, they find it necessary to pass snide or demeaning comments to bring you down. Z4Zebra, eriatarka, gwualum4mpp and 1 other 4
PsycD Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 lol yeah and I come from a very traditional set up wherein girls are married off before they hit 25. It's kind of like I rebelled and broke the established norms and on top of that, I am planning to fly to an alien country completely unaided for a better career. I guess, deep down, people are jealous and envious of others' success, and since they cannot say anything positive about you, they find it necessary to pass snide or demeaning comments to bring you down. The people who give me the most grief about it are married and miserable, and we all know that misery loves company. I'm sure many of them are looking at us saying, "Damn...I wish I could do that!" Sarah Bee and OCD or Perfection? 2
tingdeh Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 Sadly, I don't think even a Theology degree could please my parents. They're a strange combo of anti-institutional and highly religious. Asian Americanist, huh? Are you a fan of Karen Tei Yamashita? I'm not actually sure where she fits categorically speaking, except postmodernism, but I recently read Tropic of Orange and am in LOVE with it. LOVED Tropic of Orange. Personally for my research interests I've gotten into the American Pacific and all the literature/culture there, speaking broadly--the region where queer literature and culture takes on aesthetic as well as political dimensions. I love it! Have you heard of the author R. Zamora Linmark? A Filipino American writer, and he's just brilliant. Which brings me onto my next "Sh*t peoples ay when you are applying to grad school" contribution: out of some feigned or naive interest in my pursuits, my parents skimmed through (read: looked at the back cover of) some of my honours thesis texts, and got really uncomfortable when all my texts were queer texts. The question that follows: "I don't mind the gays but there's so much more to Philippine culture that's more relevant, so why do you want to study this?" Can't teach an old homophobic dog new tricks.
bgguitarist Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 LOVED Tropic of Orange. Personally for my research interests I've gotten into the American Pacific and all the literature/culture there, speaking broadly--the region where queer literature and culture takes on aesthetic as well as political dimensions. I love it! Have you heard of the author R. Zamora Linmark? A Filipino American writer, and he's just brilliant. Which brings me onto my next "Sh*t peoples ay when you are applying to grad school" contribution: out of some feigned or naive interest in my pursuits, my parents skimmed through (read: looked at the back cover of) some of my honours thesis texts, and got really uncomfortable when all my texts were queer texts. The question that follows: "I don't mind the gays but there's so much more to Philippine culture that's more relevant, so why do you want to study this?" Can't teach an old homophobic dog new tricks. I have not heard of Linmark, but I'll definitely look him up! It seems as though the sh*t people say gets more #$%&#ed up the closer I get to hearing the results. That said, I recently stumbled across this article (which compares the academic job market to The Hunger Games), and I just want to make everyone who asks me about my prospects read it: http://m.chronicle.com/article/The-Odds-Are-Never-in-Your/144079?cid=megamenu Recent conversation with my mother: Mom: I know you like all of the programs, but which places do you like more. Me (foolishly deciding that this is a safe-ish question): well, I like the parts of the country that a, b, and c are in, but I'd be really ecstatic to go to any of these schools. Plus, I like adventure. Mom: *puts check marks by schools a, b, and c, AND THEN VIOLENTLY CROSSES THE OTHERS OUT* Me: *tries not to faint* ...don't jinx me. Mom: It's not a jinx, its god's will. You'll end up where you're supposed to. Me: *whimpers* ...I love how she thinks that I need divine intervention to get into a program (and not-so-secretly hopes that my getting in is not his will). Couldn't be that I'm good at what I do and have worked very, very hard to make it to this point. dat_nerd and ihatechoosingusernames 2
ImpulsiveNixie Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) Most annoying for when I mention I am applying to an SLP program - Them: Oh, you are going to be a speech pathologist. That's cool. So, you are just going to teach kids how not to stutter and how to say their r's. Me: Actually, I don't want to work with kids. I want to work with individuals who have had brain injury. Them: Really? Is that even an option? What does brain injury have to do with speech? While this may be a little insensitive on my part because the most common interaction with a speech pathologist is in the school system... still, the mechanics of speech go beyond articulation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhmKWpR-4C4 Edited January 22, 2014 by ImpulsiveNixie
nadimishka Posted January 22, 2014 Posted January 22, 2014 The problem is, even when you do get married, they still give you the slant-eyed, why-aren't-you-at-home-raising-babies look/question. And they flip out if your career is the one that is determining where you and SO will spend the next 5-7 years. Sigh. Honestly, there's no way to win either way. I'm 25, have two kids, and am going from Masters to PhD and people are like "what about the kids? Don't you miss out on a lot of stuff? You won't even start a career till their pre-teens!" -.- like I'm not already aware of this. Some of my faves- "So when are you going to grow up and join the real world? You can't go to school forever you know" "You're a grad assistant? But that's not a real job, right?" "Don't worry about it. It's not like there are a ton of people trying to get PhD's. I mean everyone gets in right?" Sometimes when I meet someone and the "grad-school-heading-to-PhD" convo comes up they just stare at me awkwardly and then end the conversation quickly......... it's weird.
OCD or Perfection? Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 ...I love how she thinks that I need divine intervention to get into a program (and not-so-secretly hopes that my getting in is not his will). Couldn't be that I'm good at what I do and have worked very, very hard to make it to this point. This is an interesting point. I'm not a religious zealot, probably an agnostic at best! Would you consider your mother's POV from this perspective: There are people born in the slums of India. They work hard their entire lives, but the vicious cycle of poverty is arguably inescapable for them. No matter how "hard we work", we can never compare to their physical exhaustion or mental/emotional tribulations. I guess it was divine intervention that they were born into the homes they were and we were born into the ones we were. There are perhaps things we don't have control over. You can be the best driver in the world, never touched a sip of alcohol. But you can be killed as a result of the divine intervention that causes a drunk driver to cross paths with you. I guess mum is just trying to send some good vibes your way and not discounting the value of your efforts.
Aenrichus Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Honestly, there's no way to win either way. I'm 25, have two kids, and am going from Masters to PhD and people are like "what about the kids? Don't you miss out on a lot of stuff? You won't even start a career till their pre-teens!" -.- like I'm not already aware of this. This is too true. I am married and going for the PhD and people ask me, "Don't you want kids soon?" or "What about giving me some grandchildren?" and I tell them that 2020 seems like a good year for that kind of thing.
bgguitarist Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 This is an interesting point. I'm not a religious zealot, probably an agnostic at best! Would you consider your mother's POV from this perspective: There are people born in the slums of India. They work hard their entire lives, but the vicious cycle of poverty is arguably inescapable for them. No matter how "hard we work", we can never compare to their physical exhaustion or mental/emotional tribulations. I guess it was divine intervention that they were born into the homes they were and we were born into the ones we were. There are perhaps things we don't have control over. You can be the best driver in the world, never touched a sip of alcohol. But you can be killed as a result of the divine intervention that causes a drunk driver to cross paths with you. I guess mum is just trying to send some good vibes your way and not discounting the value of your efforts. I see what you are saying and, yes, to some extent, I do think it's her way of wishing me well and hoping I end up in the best place possible. She's also very uneasy about the purpose and relevance of an English degree. Thank you for the reminder, though: I really don't have room to talk about my mother and divine intervention, as this application process has made me strangely fatalistic. I guess it would just be nice to hear my mom say what everyone else on this forum seems to wish their family members would stop saying: "you are brilliant, you'll get in everywhere." If I get in, she won't be giving credit to my hard work. *shrug*
rchlm_618 Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Person: So what do you want to do? Me: Well, I'm applying to grad programs in constitutional law. Person: So you want to be a lawyer? Me: No. I want to be a professor. Person: ... you know, lawyers make a lot of money. DIDN'T KNOW THAT. THANKS. I'll do what I love instead and we can call it even. astreaux and b39 2
obaka Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Well lawyers CAN make lots of money... if they can even find jobs!
knightrunner Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Since it was my first round I made quite a few mistakes. For those who don't know, an MFA for any visual artist is not a light decision, most spend anywhere from 2 to 10 years between their BFA and MFA, if at all, to develop their ideas, work, mature as a person, etc. I am probably the .1% of art students who was serious about going on to graduate study, not just as a deflection of finishing undergrad pressure. I had taken a leave of absence during my BFA and came back with direction and the notion on the horizon. Pretty much the entire faculty in the art building knew my plans, and in a near unanimous voice they asked "why don't you wait at least a year?" That was pretty much all I got for the entire first senior semester when I was scoping out who could write me letters, as well as from professors who's advice/word I've grown to trust. When I finally got news from UCLA, I contacted my recommendation professors and hastily posted on facebook, and the new unanimous voice was "congratulations" even though my official acceptance hadn't processed yet. It felt like going to a shooting range with a slingshot and everyone just had skeptical eyes until a little luck and determination proved them otherwise. I think long story short, try to stay discreet as much as possible. The hysterical part of this long ordeal was my parents simply saying "give it a shot and see how it goes" the whole way through till I finally got good news. Now they just nag logistics at me like it was a matter of fact that programs with <10% acceptance rates were going to choose a 23 yr old without a completed degree when my competition was 28 yr olds with established practices and CV's that make mine look like a one liner. My brother is planning to get an MFA after finishing his bachelors in theater arts. I can never understand why he wants his master without working theater internships first to get some experience, gain better practice, and to earn some money on the side. My worry is that he will rack up so much debt without having a plan what to do with his MFA. My family is completely clueless about grad school. They were like: Why don't you apply to MIT if it's the best in the country? me: Because I'm not a genius they: Oh, come on, who would want to live in Boston? I am sure if you applied, you'd get in... It would just suck to live in MA me: yeah dad... exactly... I'd totally turn down an MIT offer just because it is in Boston... I mean, I've never been to Boston, but come on, I don't understand why it would be a bad place to live (except for the $$$$$). Anyways, my family thinks that get into a #1 grad school is super easy, because in the end of the day, who wants to go for 5 more years of school, right? lol lol something my uncles would say to me, but then again they could be potentially jealous since I am in the same field as them. My grandma would say well my cousin wasn't able to find a job so he needs more schooling (cousin=started masters in international studies). Your uncles were able to get a job with their bachelor degrees in science so why don't you do that? Me: There are just some occupations you cannot get without a PhD, and I have bigger goals than that (My mind: I want to become a dean and have the credibility to do lead my own experiments) Another line (this was told to my mom when I wasn't around): Uncle (biotech): Did you know that the biology field doesn't make a lot of money? Mom: I'm sure my son will figure out something like he normally does. He will make more than you. My most favorite line: Why don't you become a Doctor (medical). Every single person I know: "So, have you made a decision yet? Did you choose? Have you made a decision? Tell me tell me TELL ME NOW" Including my parents, every single phone call. I've told them I will let them know when I have. They seem to think I have forgotten that I made this promise every single time we speak, though. I am bored stiff of people asking, and it gets annoying after a while! Particularly when they kept asking before I'd even visited the places... Sometimes I regret telling people I am applying to grad school because I get this everyday too. It gets annoying when I don't have any interviews to share yet, especially when my friends in the same field are currently interviewing right now.
MadtownJacket Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I'm getting this one a lot now: "Oh, you got into School A? Well that means you'll definitely get into School B!" Yeah, sure.
Rushui Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 "When will you go to America?" people keep asking. I really hate this, of course I will go to America AFTER I finish my undergraduate study in China.
Kleene Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 This is a great topic! I am so glad I haven't told many people. No one whines about it. My mom, however, has told quite some people that I am going to the US. Which is very, very unlikely, but she does not seem to get it... It is only one of my schools, which is also the most selective with about 5% acceptances... Well, shit happens. "When will you go to America?" people keep asking. I really hate this, of course I will go to America AFTER I finish my undergraduate study in China. Lol, indeed! "Where are you studying now?" "Well, still in the same city as you are." "Oh, I thought you were going abroad." "Yeah, I thought I'd better finish my undergrad first. ..."
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