Finding a husband in graduate school.

[AuDorBust]

If it didn't work out for you in undergrad, there's no guarantee it will in grad. I think you're overestimating the amount of social time you'll have in grad school. One of your reasons for grad school is because you won't have enough time in a career to meet people. I think this is the opposite of what is true. Aside from being a doctor or lawyer, which you mentioned, most jobs have a lot of free time. I had a career for a couple years in two different fields before starting my undergrad. I was a journalist in the military and then a construction worker (Union painter). I worked 8 am to 4 pm five days a week. I had every evening and every weekend to date. Since I started college my schedule has been so varied and chaotic. I spend weekends studying, I barely sleep at night, and the little bit of free time I get I want to just relax, watch a movie, grab a beer, and get as far away from other human beings as possible. 

Lucky! When I was in the military I never had free time. I was in for over 3 years before I got a full weekend (get off Friday afternoon and don't go back to work until Monday morning) to myself. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Lucky! When I was in the military I never had free time. I was in for over 3 years before I got a full weekend (get off Friday afternoon and don't go back to work until Monday morning) to myself. 

I was a journalist. Typical 9 to 5 type schedule. Well I think it was 7:30-3:30. Monday through Friday. Weekends off. I lived off base at first because the dorms on base were full, but I ended up moving on to base, right down the street from the office. 

[LittleDarlings]

Why would I troll and make this up? The counseling conversation was something my therapist asked me about today.  It was brought up because (even though my friend isn't not a teenager) my best friend found out that she is pregnant last week and I have gone back and forth with whether or not ending the friendship would be better for me.  She asked me how in 2 years after grad school and when I am working in the field I would respond to someone in my situation.  She also asked how I would respond to people who come in to me with emotional issues but still have great marriages, relationships and or families.  Since I am having such a hard time in that department and I guess it is all a jealousy issue that is why she asked.  Her point was pretty much that I need to be in a happy place where other peoples life situations won't be a trigger for me.  I told her that in 2 years I will hopefully at least be in a successful relationship/married and I won't have anything to feel jealous of and then that problem will be solved.  As for the 2 guys, I just met the PA guy (met him online I mean) I asked about personal preferences because I have this tendency to stop talking to guys for dumb reasons, it could be teeth or hair or not in shape, they just don't fit into the imagine I have of what I want and this guy has been so nice to me.  I don't want to do that, I know his niceness could be a total charade and then I will be the stupid one who gets "played" (not like that hasn't happened numerous times lol) but I am willing to take that chance because he could be everything I want I guess? I just need to be less shallow.  I have a whole slew of issues working against me in relationships I think.  That was the point of my post.  It came out of no where but it was on my mind so I asked.  

 

I also understand how dumb my comment about the KY guy not being a bad guy because he has a kid.  I guess I meant that because he is so loving to his daughter who he talks about all the time (and he has said before he wants other kids) that he can't be that bad.  He seems cool, he was married and she cheated and he divorced her.  I can admit I am naive about a lot and I have made HORRIBLE decisions that could have left me in a really bad position if not really physically hurt.  I did learn though from them and I wouldn't do them again.  I just don't want to think of all people as bad.  He seems nice but I am not rushing to move to KY and be with him or to PA to be with the other guy (neither situation is convenient).  

[LinguisticMystic]

I've learned (painfully, sometimes) that you can't expect your circumstances to change your outlook, happiness, or attitude towards life. But sometimes it takes experience to appreciate that.

[nugget]

I can admit I am naive about a lot and I have made HORRIBLE decisions that could have left me in a really bad position if not really physically hurt.  I did learn though from them and I wouldn't do them again.  

 

I generally don't like to speak for other people, but I think the OP might have noticed some naiveness based on other posts and comments that were made and not on the experiences/decisions you are referring to right now, as you haven't seemed to discuss them in earlier posts so the OP could not have known about them.

 

It seems like you have spent much of your life in a protective and sheltered environment living with your parents, based on previous posts you're made. If you are lacking in life experience I believe one cure to for this is to become more independent - have more varied life experiences (like moving out of your parent's home, which I believe you plan to do) and learn about different perspectives and experiences that other people have - especially people who are quite different from yourself. ex: poor people, the elderly, homosexuals, non-Chrisitians, immigrants, war veterans, different racial/ethnic groups, etc... People who think differently from you (I did not say better - DIFFERENTLY), have different goals and priorities and a different definition of what it means to be successful or happy.

 

In the meantime, you have received a lot of feedback from a number of people who have noticed a certain naiveness that could easily be taken advantage of and leave you getting badly hurt by other men. I think it would be wise to thoroughly reflect on this and how this feedback might help you to avoid future heartaches.

 

If you have lived all or most of your life in a protective environment, I think it will likely take you a few years to become more "real world savvy." This is not an overnight process, unfortunately. I would encourage you to keep talking to your therapist and any other wise and trusted adult with lots of solid life experience to help you along in the growth and maturation process. After acquiring more life experience in a few years, I believe you will view the world and your problems (and other people's problems) in more realistic ways which will help you make better decisions for yourself and avoid some of the problems you've been experiencing.      

Edited December 24, 2013 by jenste

[Usmivka]

This thread...

Keeps on going

[Neocon]

How hot is the OP? She'd have to be pretty hot to overcome the crazy.

[LittleDarlings]

I'm pretty cute not gonna lie. Without being vain.

[Neocon]

Don't be shy about taking care of a guy's needs, if you get my drift.

[LittleDarlings]

Lol I want to be a good quality wife and mother one day. I have to be respectable, not at all saying that women who take care of men's needs are bad or not able to be respected, just saying I want to get the girlfriend status before taking care of someone's needs.

[Munashi]

 Her point was pretty much that I need to be in a happy place where other peoples life situations won't be a trigger for me.  I told her that in 2 years I will hopefully at least be in a successful relationship/married and I won't have anything to feel jealous of and then that problem will be solved. 

 

... I am hesitant to enter this thread, but I just wanted to note that nothing is ever perfect.  How do you define a "successful" relationship and/or marriage?  Besides, putting yourself on such a time-crunch to achieve this perfection is impractical.  It may not happen in 2 years.  Even if it does, there is no guarantee that you "won't have anything to feel jealous of" even if you are in a relationship.  Again, no situation is perfect.  It's a prospect to think about.

I think distancing yourself from potential clients' issues is a skill that you will have to develop as you continue your education and therapy.  Consider it a skill to really work towards - as much as or perhaps more so than your relationship-oriented goals.

[danieleWrites]

I'm a good wife and mother.

My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be happy and fulfilled. I am also smart, funny, loyal, cute, cook and back, and have a great rack. I am also mean, sadistic, spiteful, and love to wallow in a good bout of schadenfreude. I don't do laundry and I have been known to throw all of the dishes out rather than wash them.

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who cannot be whole by themselves. There's a difference between being lonely and being so desperate for a relationship that the other person has to be the source of a person's self-worth, sense of value, and reason for living. (Before you protest, Pinkseter/Corrupted Innocence, print off your statements on this thread and show them to your therapist.) Lonely people are not so desperate for a relationship that they'll do anything to be in one (your words, not mine); lonely people want a relationship, but they don't need one. Desperate people want a relationship and they really, really don't need one because a relationship based on emotional dependency is toxic.

My qualities as a mother: He made to legal adulthood in good health, no trouble with the law, with prospects for the future, and isn't (currently) a burden on society. He can balance his checkbook and find the DMV by himself. He also drives like a little old lady and can do his own laundry. He has no idea where the barber is, though. Can't win 'em all.

I popped that slime-coated ur-human out by myself. He was a bit early, but the placenta was tres cool looking. It was like a purplish, deflated basketball with veins. I could totally see the horror movie thing going on, just give it eyes and teeth. Vagina Dentata for realsies!

But. He wasn't mine, completely and totally mine. He was his own person. Sure, I taught him that there's no such thing as bad sci-fi, but he won't watch Star Trek TOS; he prefers Godzilla (good gravy, where did I go wrong?!) and he doesn't know who Surak is. I kid you not. He's got my eyes, my intelligence, and my ADHD, but he did not find Fight Club amusing and he hates math (yeah, I'd think he was switched at birth, too, but he was the only boy on the ward). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly, but he's still not mine. He's living in another state, now, and it hurts, but it's right for him.

Kids grow up. Husbands have their own lives to lead, their own work, their own friends, and their hobbies. What do desperate people do when their spouse wants to go watch the game with friends (try to tag along or, worse, provide a curfew)?

Pinkster/Corrupted Innocence (this new name is very Twilight Fan Girl), you might have great qualities that make you great (as Loric put it) husband-bait. But you have one singular quality that makes you husband-bane: desperation. You've consistently shown desperation and you've said you're desperate. Not using hyperbole to talk about being lonely and looking to change that situation, but actually desperate. If anything, your use of the word desperate is an understatement.

You are not speaking of your future man in terms of a real relationship. You're speaking of your future man in terms of an Edward and Bella and Jacob relationship. Which you probably think is romantic and wonderful and cried at the end. Edward and Bella have a horrific relationship of manipulation, co-dependency, and a mutual inability to be healthy. Jacob is even worse. Men are not stupid people and the kind of man you want for a husband (a good man who is caring, loving, and will provide for the family) is the kind of man that runs screaming, the other way, when a desperate woman starts making cow eyes at him.

Seriously. Print off this thread and your other I-want-a-relationship threads and take it to your therapist. Or send him/her a link.

[VioletAyame]

I'm a good wife and mother.

My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be happy and fulfilled. I am also smart, funny, loyal, cute, cook and back, and have a great rack. I am also mean, sadistic, spiteful, and love to wallow in a good bout of schadenfreude. I don't do laundry and I have been known to throw all of the dishes out rather than wash them.

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who cannot be whole by themselves. There's a difference between being lonely and being so desperate for a relationship that the other person has to be the source of a person's self-worth, sense of value, and reason for living. (Before you protest, Pinkseter/Corrupted Innocence, print off your statements on this thread and show them to your therapist.) Lonely people are not so desperate for a relationship that they'll do anything to be in one (your words, not mine); lonely people want a relationship, but they don't need one. Desperate people want a relationship and they really, really don't need one because a relationship based on emotional dependency is toxic.

My qualities as a mother: He made to legal adulthood in good health, no trouble with the law, with prospects for the future, and isn't (currently) a burden on society. He can balance his checkbook and find the DMV by himself. He also drives like a little old lady and can do his own laundry. He has no idea where the barber is, though. Can't win 'em all.

I popped that slime-coated ur-human out by myself. He was a bit early, but the placenta was tres cool looking. It was like a purplish, deflated basketball with veins. I could totally see the horror movie thing going on, just give it eyes and teeth. Vagina Dentata for realsies!

But. He wasn't mine, completely and totally mine. He was his own person. Sure, I taught him that there's no such thing as bad sci-fi, but he won't watch Star Trek TOS; he prefers Godzilla (good gravy, where did I go wrong?!) and he doesn't know who Surak is. I kid you not. He's got my eyes, my intelligence, and my ADHD, but he did not find Fight Club amusing and he hates math (yeah, I'd think he was switched at birth, too, but he was the only boy on the ward). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly, but he's still not mine. He's living in another state, now, and it hurts, but it's right for him.

Kids grow up. Husbands have their own lives to lead, their own work, their own friends, and their hobbies. What do desperate people do when their spouse wants to go watch the game with friends (try to tag along or, worse, provide a curfew)?

Pinkster/Corrupted Innocence (this new name is very Twilight Fan Girl), you might have great qualities that make you great (as Loric put it) husband-bait. But you have one singular quality that makes you husband-bane: desperation. You've consistently shown desperation and you've said you're desperate. Not using hyperbole to talk about being lonely and looking to change that situation, but actually desperate. If anything, your use of the word desperate is an understatement.

You are not speaking of your future man in terms of a real relationship. You're speaking of your future man in terms of an Edward and Bella and Jacob relationship. Which you probably think is romantic and wonderful and cried at the end. Edward and Bella have a horrific relationship of manipulation, co-dependency, and a mutual inability to be healthy. Jacob is even worse. Men are not stupid people and the kind of man you want for a husband (a good man who is caring, loving, and will provide for the family) is the kind of man that runs screaming, the other way, when a desperate woman starts making cow eyes at him.

Seriously. Print off this thread and your other I-want-a-relationship threads and take it to your therapist. Or send him/her a link.

 

This. I love this so much and the invisible hand of the forum would not let me up vote it! But I must say, your son didn't enjoy Fight Club? That's a shame.

[LittleDarlings]

I'm a good wife and mother.My qualities as a wife: I am a whole person without him. I love him and I have trouble sleeping without him there (seriously, it's a pain), but I do not need him to be happy and fulfilled. I am also smart, funny, loyal, cute, cook and back, and have a great rack. I am also mean, sadistic, spiteful, and love to wallow in a good bout of schadenfreude. I don't do laundry and I have been known to throw all of the dishes out rather than wash them.There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who cannot be whole by themselves. There's a difference between being lonely and being so desperate for a relationship that the other person has to be the source of a person's self-worth, sense of value, and reason for living. (Before you protest, Pinkseter/Corrupted Innocence, print off your statements on this thread and show them to your therapist.) Lonely people are not so desperate for a relationship that they'll do anything to be in one (your words, not mine); lonely people want a relationship, but they don't need one. Desperate people want a relationship and they really, really don't need one because a relationship based on emotional dependency is toxic.My qualities as a mother: He made to legal adulthood in good health, no trouble with the law, with prospects for the future, and isn't (currently) a burden on society. He can balance his checkbook and find the DMV by himself. He also drives like a little old lady and can do his own laundry. He has no idea where the barber is, though. Can't win 'em all.I popped that slime-coated ur-human out by myself. He was a bit early, but the placenta was tres cool looking. It was like a purplish, deflated basketball with veins. I could totally see the horror movie thing going on, just give it eyes and teeth. Vagina Dentata for realsies!But. He wasn't mine, completely and totally mine. He was his own person. Sure, I taught him that there's no such thing as bad sci-fi, but he won't watch Star Trek TOS; he prefers Godzilla (good gravy, where did I go wrong?!) and he doesn't know who Surak is. I kid you not. He's got my eyes, my intelligence, and my ADHD, but he did not find Fight Club amusing and he hates math (yeah, I'd think he was switched at birth, too, but he was the only boy on the ward). I love him dearly and he loves me dearly, but he's still not mine. He's living in another state, now, and it hurts, but it's right for him.Kids grow up. Husbands have their own lives to lead, their own work, their own friends, and their hobbies. What do desperate people do when their spouse wants to go watch the game with friends (try to tag along or, worse, provide a curfew)?Pinkster/Corrupted Innocence (this new name is very Twilight Fan Girl), you might have great qualities that make you great (as Loric put it) husband-bait. But you have one singular quality that makes you husband-bane: desperation. You've consistently shown desperation and you've said you're desperate. Not using hyperbole to talk about being lonely and looking to change that situation, but actually desperate. If anything, your use of the word desperate is an understatement.You are not speaking of your future man in terms of a real relationship. You're speaking of your future man in terms of an Edward and Bella and Jacob relationship. Which you probably think is romantic and wonderful and cried at the end. Edward and Bella have a horrific relationship of manipulation, co-dependency, and a mutual inability to be healthy. Jacob is even worse. Men are not stupid people and the kind of man you want for a husband (a good man who is caring, loving, and will provide for the family) is the kind of man that runs screaming, the other way, when a desperate woman starts making cow eyes at him.Seriously. Print off this thread and your other I-want-a-relationship threads and take it to your therapist. Or send him/her a link.

I never saw any of the Twilight movies (I thought they were dumb lol). My therapist knows, pretty much every word I have said on here I said to here before I joined this website. Last week we are trying to work through the situation with my best friend getting pregnant and I told her "who cares I am hopefully moving soon anyways" she asked what happens if I move make friends and then they get into a relationship or get pregnant am I going to just drop them? And I told her by that time I will have my own relationship and of course she asked what happens if I don't, and I didn't want to think about that I told her "I just have to work really hard and get into one" then she asked what if I got in one and it fails (which I don't know what's worse, being in one and it failing or not getting to be in one at all) I told her I would just work really hard to make him happy so he doesn't leave. I know it sounds stupid and dumb and I know I am beyond desperate. I just don't know how to not be. I have done the therapy thing on and off since I was in my first year of college. It helps, I like having someone to talk to and tell this stuff to but at the same time my feelings are still the same. I just don't know what to do? I'm trying to find something to do to occupy me and keep me busy so focusing on guys isn't my priority, but that's really hard. I don't know what I like and dislike, I mean most of my hobbies I started with my ex and they were 2 people things where I can't just go alone (like shooting which I love). So I don't know how I'm supposed to become this whole person? I'm also afraid that will take so long. I mean realistically I am 23 which is close to 26 and then 30 and while I know 30 isn't old... It isn't the youngest either especially to be single. How do people become whole?

How old were you when you got married?

Edited January 6, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[Lisa44201]

You can absolutely go shooting alone. Honestly, you should go shooting alone. You will be a better shooter than if you're constantly looking for feedback from someone you're trying to impress. I've been the lone female at the gun range on several occasions. It's calming, requires focus, and you can usually get some tips from the Rangemaster or the old-timers who hang out at the range. The last time I went, one of the old-timers asked me if I was a cop. I thought that was great!

 

Anyway. People become whole on their own, then they get into a relationship. If you don't have a good grip on who you are outside a relationship, you're not going to have an identity in a relationship, either. That sort of identity crisis has shades of BPD to it, and that's a dark, dark road to go down.

 

You said you were interested in personality disorders; you know the prognosis on those is really poor, right? Best case scenario, they're in treatment for years. Thought you should know.

 

Relationships that last beyond the honeymoon stage aren't about constantly trying to make the other person happy; that sort of fawning attention gets old very quickly. The closest analogy I can think of is a Labrador puppy. Those things are cute as all git-out... for a little while. 

 

One of the things about being in a relationship for any length of time is you need your own interests. My husband does carpentry projects as a hobby; he built me a passive solar window heater for Christmas, and is working on plans to build tables for our living room. That's his gig - I have no interest in that stuff, but I'm glad it makes him happy. I sing in the church choir, shoot handguns, and knit (huh, written out like that, it sounds odd).

 

Why not make a commitment to being single for a year? Yes, then you'll be 24; you'll be 24 in a year either way. Go to ladies' night at the range. Take a karate class. Go to a drum circle. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Learn to hoop-dance. Find something you wouldn't normally do, and go do it.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

You can absolutely go shooting alone. Honestly, you should go shooting alone. You will be a better shooter than if you're constantly looking for feedback from someone you're trying to impress. I've been the lone female at the gun range on several occasions. It's calming, requires focus, and you can usually get some tips from the Rangemaster or the old-timers who hang out at the range. The last time I went, one of the old-timers asked me if I was a cop. I thought that was great!

 

Anyway. People become whole on their own, then they get into a relationship. If you don't have a good grip on who you are outside a relationship, you're not going to have an identity in a relationship, either. That sort of identity crisis has shades of BPD to it, and that's a dark, dark road to go down.

 

You said you were interested in personality disorders; you know the prognosis on those is really poor, right? Best case scenario, they're in treatment for years. Thought you should know.

 

Relationships that last beyond the honeymoon stage aren't about constantly trying to make the other person happy; that sort of fawning attention gets old very quickly. The closest analogy I can think of is a Labrador puppy. Those things are cute as all git-out... for a little while. 

 

One of the things about being in a relationship for any length of time is you need your own interests. My husband does carpentry projects as a hobby; he built me a passive solar window heater for Christmas, and is working on plans to build tables for our living room. That's his gig - I have no interest in that stuff, but I'm glad it makes him happy. I sing in the church choir, shoot handguns, and knit (huh, written out like that, it sounds odd).

 

Why not make a commitment to being single for a year? Yes, then you'll be 24; you'll be 24 in a year either way. Go to ladies' night at the range. Take a karate class. Go to a drum circle. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Learn to hoop-dance. Find something you wouldn't normally do, and go do it.

I stopped following this thread a while ago. When did we start talking about shooting? I used to go to the range all the time when I was in the military. I had access to a bunch of guns. I'd check out a few each weekend and fire em off. 

[DerpTastic]

 

I told her I would just work really hard to make him happy so he doesn't leave.

 

I believe this mentality is a little bit dangerous. There's only so long you can go in a relationship before you tire of having to work so hard to make him happy so he doesn't leave. A relationship is not one sided. Do you really think you would enjoy being in a relationship where he's only sort of into you, and you desperately do everything you can every day to keep him from leaving? That sounds stressful and not fulfilling to me.

 

When it comes down to it, you want a relationship that is give and take. It's not one person doing it because they're desperate, or one person who isn't really into the relationship but stays because the other person does everything they want. You think desperation will lead you to a relationship, but I think it will lead you to many unsuccessful relationships. 

 

 

Why not make a commitment to being single for a year? Yes, then you'll be 24; you'll be 24 in a year either way. Go to ladies' night at the range. Take a karate class. Go to a drum circle. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Learn to hoop-dance. Find something you wouldn't normally do, and go do it.

 

This is great advice. Not only will taking up hobbies be good for filling time, but who the heck doesn't enjoy spending time doing something they love? Maybe every hobby you won't keep or like, but trying them out doesn't hurt anything.

 

Also, when you get out there and participate in hobbies, you meet people. This is, in my opinion, the best way to make friends. I mean, they share some of the same interests as you. I joined our school's string ensemble and absolutely loved it. I made tons of friends, even when I was super nervous that people would judge me for not being a music major (turns out, most of them were not music majors, I was worried for nothin' :| ). And you're meeting people... some will be guys....

 

It's a great way to meet potential dates, but for the love of God, don't start hobbies with the intention of finding a husband. Start hobbies because you think it would be fun to do so. You're 23! Go live a little.

Edited January 7, 2014 by DerpTastic

[GeoDUDE!]

I'm just saying, pinkster has gotten offers. at this point she's being picky

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I'm just saying, pinkster has gotten offers. at this point she's being picky

word

[manduke]

Speaking as a husband, we're overrated. You'd be better off finding a wife. That's what I did!

Edited January 10, 2014 by manduke

[LittleDarlings]

Lol well right now I will focus on finding a job.

I realized in pretty funny and pretty cute (not being vain) I can pull guys... I found that out on New Years Eve. I can pull some pretty attractive ones too (other than the looks though the quality has been a little bad) so maybe I can find a job, get my school situation figured out and then pull a cute good quality guy. I guess I would only be like 25ish once all that is done.... If it doesn't happen after that then I might be in panic mode again because 25 is kind of heading towards the down slope.

[Pol]

Pull? Are you a cowgirl?

 

[fuzzylogician]

I guess I would only be like 25ish once all that is done.... If it doesn't happen after that then I might be in panic mode again because 25 is kind of heading towards the down slope.

 

Well, I guess I must be so far down the slope by now you can't even see me from way up there on the peak. FWIW though, it's not half bad out here.

[LittleDarlings]

I mean if it happens that I'm 25 and single then hey nothing I can do at least I will have a career that I'm excited about. I read somewhere that like 85% of people end up getting married, why am I freaking out? I took a baby sitting job recently it's weekly she's 13 months and it is kind of hell. That sounds awful, and I love kids but it's so hard I would hate my life if I had to do this daily with no breaks (even though I do think that if I was a kids mom it would obviously love me more and be used to me and not cry as much). Being a single parent would be so hard like so so so hard. Maybe I should just chill down. Most of the people I know from college are over 25 and out partying and loving life all over the US. It's my high school friends getting married and having kids.

[marsmat]

Lol well right now I will focus on finding a job.

I realized in pretty funny and pretty cute (not being vain) I can pull guys... I found that out on New Years Eve. I can pull some pretty attractive ones too (other than the looks though the quality has been a little bad) so maybe I can find a job, get my school situation figured out and then pull a cute good quality guy. I guess I would only be like 25ish once all that is done.... If it doesn't happen after that then I might be in panic mode again because 25 is kind of heading towards the down slope.

I am worried that, having never had a serious relationship (as you mention earlier in the thread), you might not be prepared for how much work maintaining a relationship actually entails. I get that you are worried about getting older and your perceived timeline of when things should be done, and I dont see any point in trying to persuade you that you are setting unforgiving standards for yourself. But it seems to me like you imagine that as soon as these things are done, crossed off your list, then you can just take it easy.

 

To be honest, Im pretty sure its the other way round. That is when the really hard work starts. Keeping a marriage going, even without the added (huge) pressure of looking after children, is no easy call. Even when both people are feeling happy and fulfilled and validated and all of that, and you have a truly deep connection, its still a hell of a lot of work. So my advice? Enjoy what you have now. Enjoy being completely free to make decisions, just for you. Take some risks, make some mistakes. Do all of that stuff because when you commit to another person, especially baby people, you cant do that any more.

Your ovaries will be fine. You have at least ten years of not even having to give them the slightest bit of thought and you will still be able to have far more children than a person could reasonably want. Ten years is a long long time. You were 12 ten years ago.

But if what you really truly want is to get married and have babies? Dont go to grad school. It is hard and lonely. Go online and find someone who wants the same things that you do. They exist! A friend of mine, 24 at the time, went online and chatted to only one woman. He told her he wanted a wife, a baby, a house, a volvo. The whole package. She said that so did she. A week later they dated, another week later they moved in together, a year later their son was born. Three years later they are very very happy. Grad school will not get you a husband, looking for a husband will. And then go to grad school.