Email Heart Attacks

[engphiledu]

I've started a new list today.

It's almost like a hit list. Almost like a black list. Almost like a Death Note. 

It's a list of companies I have started to hate. 

And why do I hate these companies?

 

It's all because they send me emails.

 

Why, pray tell, is that a bad thing?

Because none of those companies are graduate schools.

[engphiledu]

"Ten dollars off your new. . . delete."

"Are you looking for. . . don't care."

"StudentHealth101: How to stay fit when. . . shut up."

Inbox (1)

*sweats nervously*

"Act today and enjoy your coupon for 15% off!"

*punches hole through computer screen*

[roguesenna]

I know exactly how you feel. I got an email from FAFSA today and it was even worse because it sort of had to do with Grad school, but IT'S NOT MY FREAKING DECISION LETTER. ::flies off into a murderous rampage::

[leSpyFox]

Or just as bad: An email from some crappy graduate school you have no intention of applying to starting subject lines with "APPLICATION..."

The rage in me when I get those...

[roguesenna]

Oh man. Scholarships.com has been sending me this email that says "Come check out Columbia!" I applied to Columbia. But this frakking ad is for a visitation to the undergrad program and is not even remotely affiliated with the school.

 

I want to punch them and keep on punching until there's nothing left to punch.

[cupofnimbus]

Aughhhh yes. Worst are the ones that come from universities, but the ones you didn't apply to that got your information from the GRE. 

 

Hate hate hate.

[engphiledu]

It's a major tease. Like sexual tension. . . but much, much worse.

[DeafAudi]

LOL. I feel y'all. I've become very adept at cleaning up my spam email and clicking "unsubscribe". 

[Dankar1208]

Got an email from a program I applied to that said "Your application is..."

 

They were informing me they received it. 

 

LOL. I feel y'all. I've become very adept at cleaning up my spam email and clicking "unsubscribe". 

 

Yup. My inbox has never been so uncluttered!

[gingin6789]

engphiledu, your posts are full of gold!!!! XD

 

ALSO, how about those STUPID ADS you get in the mail with the GINORMOUS envelope that looks like it could be an ACCEPTANCE PACKAGE.  SERIOUSLY?! I did research on the contraceptive clause of the Affordable Care Act and looked into Catholic views on the matter through signing up for a free magazine, and now Catholic charities send me huge envelopes of ads asking me for my invisible, non-existent money!  So deceptive ;______________; 

 

And then I hate myself for feeling mad at a charity.  The children!!!

[engphiledu]

My posts? Yours are quite fantastic!

Especially since when you said "full of gold" and followed that with a story about getting HUGE envelopes from schools/organizations I immediately thought. . . 

What if schools didn't notify you about funding, but just sent you all the money. In the mail. With confetti and your acceptance letter.

*Opens mailbox*

*Struggles to yank out huge envelope*

*Opens envelope*

*Suffocated under a gigantic pile of money, confetti, and happiness*

[I am not sure yet]

I have developed conditioned fear responses each time my smartphone beeps. Seriously, today I got a happy birthday message from one of the universities I’ve applied. I nearly had a heart attack! Then I was deeply disappointed.I have developed conditioned fear responses each time my smartphone beeps. Seriously, today I got a happy birthday message from one of the universities I’ve applied. I nearly had a heart attack! Then I was deeply disappointed.

[roguesenna]

while I was reading this thread I glanced at the gmail tab. (1)! I rush to click.  

 

"Writer's Store! Spend a bunch of money on getting good at writing!"

 

 I did that already you frakkers. It's called an MFA.

[FreeRadical]

I have developed conditioned fear responses each time my smartphone beeps. Seriously, today I got a happy birthday message from one of the universities I’ve applied. I nearly had a heart attack! Then I was deeply disappointed.I have developed conditioned fear responses each time my smartphone beeps. Seriously, today I got a happy birthday message from one of the universities I’ve applied. I nearly had a heart attack! Then I was deeply disappointed.

 

+1

 

Upvote for oddly repeating yourself without apparently being aware of it. This level of crazy is knocking at my door.

[dhg12]

I got an e-mail the other day from one of the schools I applied to... they were letting me know that my final LOR had been submitted... I had the first heart attack because I thought it was a decision e-mail. I then had another smaller heart attack because I had assumed that letter had been submitted at least two weeks beforehand

[themmases]

Actual gchat I sent my partner an hour ago:

 

I really need all non-schools to stop emailing me

even sales

do you understand?

EVEN SALES

 

Occasionally school-related emails have been showing up in my "Promotions" tab so I am forced-- forced!-- to check that too, all day.

[engphiledu]

You and your partner have the same conversations my fiance and I have. A virtual +1 for you!

 

I just want to be able to send a letter that says,

"Look. I know you're trying to get me good deals for my wedding."
"Hey, I know you're just trying to tell me about what's happening on campus."
"I know I work for you, but no, I don't have time to write an email for you. I'm checking my grad school stuff for the billionth time this morning."
"I appreciate it, but no, I'm not interested in donating money to starving kittens right now. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!"
. . . "Ok, I'll read the kittens one."

Just. . . put all emails on hold. Just until April. Then, you can advertise to me all you want. 

Edited February 27, 2014 by engphiledu

[cupofnimbus]

"Look. I know you're trying to get me good deals for my wedding."

 

I just started planning mine and signed up for a bunch of good websites... and now I am getting blasted with emails from them and I want to scream. Why couldn't I have waited for my cycle to end to start up with this???

[gingin6789]

I have developed conditioned fear responses each time my smartphone beeps. Seriously, today I got a happy birthday message from one of the universities I’ve applied. I nearly had a heart attack! Then I was deeply disappointed.

OH no!!! Who knew a birthday message could induce such disappointment?? I would have been disappointed, too!!

 

engphiledu, that would be AMAZING if that happened! Can you imagine how fulfilling that would feel??

[deci:belle]

engphiledu, your posts are full of gold!!!! XD

 

ALSO, how about those STUPID ADS you get in the mail with the GINORMOUS envelope that looks like it could be an ACCEPTANCE PACKAGE.  SERIOUSLY?! I did research on the contraceptive clause of the Affordable Care Act and looked into Catholic views on the matter through signing up for a free magazine, and now Catholic charities send me huge envelopes of ads asking me for my invisible, non-existent money!  So deceptive ;______________; 

 

And then I hate myself for feeling mad at a charity.  The children!!!

 

Yes!

Or my favorite, when the schools I apply to send me huge envelopes with my name on it. So I get excited, and  rip it open ravenously... to see that it's only their school monthly magazine. Happened to me twice already. Gah! 

[katiegud]

The day after I was rejected for funding by one school, they sent me an email about how great they are and how I should go there. Gee, thanks. 

[cupofnimbus]

The day after I was rejected for funding by one school, they sent me an email about how great they are and how I should go there. Gee, thanks. 

 

That's... quite something, right there.

[kittyk]

Last week I got an email from the graduate studies department of a University I applied to, with the title starting ...'Application'. After waiting (& sending up prayers) for about 10 minutes, I finally opened it and...they were only telling me that their system had an issue that caused some of my application information to be visible to other applicants!!! WTH!! But I shouldn't worry as they have fixed the problem!

 

I was sooo mad - not at all about my info being exposed to others, just that it wasn't an acceptance letter! I had to restrain myself from getting a lawyer to threaten them to accept me or face a lawsuit! "Accept me immediately with a full tuition waiver and sizeable stipend and all will be forgiven."

[starofdawn]

My alma mater, UCSD, sends me alumni emails every few days. I can't help but wonder EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS if it's an admission decision (since I reapplied for graduate school). Blaaaaah.

[Porshyen]

Got an email from a program I applied to that said "Your application is..."

 

They were informing me they received it. 

 

 

Yup. My inbox has never been so uncluttered!

This happened to me at the beginning of the month. At the end of the message, instead of signing off in a normal way, they said "I wish you a successful outcome with your application" which is really odd phrasing. In fact, the email was sent TWICE because the first one did not have this little message at the end...