Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[sgaw10]

On 4/19/2019 at 8:19 AM, bibliophile222 said:

I did my undergrad online, so no emotional connection there in the slightest, but leaving my job last year was tough. It was just an office job in a trucking company, and I worked with a bunch of middle-aged blue collar trucker dudes (talk about culture shock!) but it was a family business with good owners and I worked with the same people day in, day out for over three years. I thought I was fine on my last day, but I started crying as I walked out to my car and sobbed all the way home.

I'm also already starting to feel this way about my current program. My cohort is really great and the building is my second home. It bums me out that I only have another year with them, and we won't even see each other much the last semester. I'm also a terrible correspondent, so I already know I'll lose touch with them eventually.

Good things unfortunately don't last forever  makes you realize how fast time passes and that it can be difficult to leave a comfort zone. Enjoy your current program while you can. soak it up!

[CherryBlossom_]

Searching for housing when you're 5150 miles away is overwhelming :S I have 15 open tabs and a huge list of options in a city I've never been to... I'm unsure by nature... and now comes the ultimate challenge haha But it's a good feeling after all ? 

Edited April 22, 2019 by CherryBlossom_

[hlr20]

On 4/22/2019 at 12:38 PM, CherryBlossom_ said:

Searching for housing when you're 5150 miles away is overwhelming :S I have 15 open tabs and a huge list of options in a city I've never been to... I'm unsure by nature... and now comes the ultimate challenge haha But it's a good feeling after all ? 

same, pal. Rough stuff.

also- finding a place that is safe to live is really hard when you are so far away but it helps to ask grad students for advice and such. 

Good luck finding a place! 

[Halek]

Sometimes it feels like I don't belong in grad school because I don't like to get drunk and I don't really smoke. 

[sgaw10]

7 minutes ago, Halek said:

Sometimes it feels like I don't belong in grad school because I don't like to get drunk and I don't really smoke. 

You're not alone!

[CherryBlossom_]

1 hour ago, Halek said:

Sometimes it feels like I don't belong in grad school because I don't like to get drunk and I don't really smoke. 

Don't those things die with undergrad school? ? the last time I got drunk was at my ex's graduation party, almost a life ago

With age comes wisdom, hangover aversion and a more refined taste for wines! 

Edited April 26, 2019 by CherryBlossom_

[PokePsych]

Some people just suck.

[Adelaide9216]

14 hours ago, sgaw10 said:

You're not alone!

Same here 

[PokePsych]

When you think people are nice but they just suck. I don't want to lose my trust in 'people' but damn have I been disappointed in some people over the last 3 weeks.

[Adelaide9216]

I received the official letter from my university saying that if I fail my thesis again, I will be expelled. My emotions are literally a roller coster right now. I still work on my thesis, but there are moments where I feel like "what if I don't make it? what if pursuing a PhD wasn't meant to happen? What am I going to say to all the people who know about my PhD acceptance and Vanier scholarship?". And there are other moments where I feel like in 10 years, I'll be laughing over this with my (future) students. 

I am going to do everything I can to pass. I cancelled all my extracurricular activities for the next month. But it doesn't feel comfortable right now to be in my shoes, I feel so much pressure. I don't want everything I have worked so hard to be taken away from me. I try to put that pressure and negative thoughts into a box and not let them paralyze me. I also try to remember that I am a fighter and have always been. I know I belong in academia. I know I want to do a PhD. I know I've got what it takes. I know I am not at fault for what happened. I know this is not reflective of my worth. I know why this happened, how easily avoidable it actually was and who's to blame, but I cannot throw a pity party right now, it's useless. I need to take action and move forward. 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Adelaide9216

[PokePsych]

27 minutes ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I received the official letter from my university saying that if I fail my thesis again, I will be expelled. My emotions are literally a roller coster right now. I still work on my thesis, but there are moments where I feel like "what if I don't make it? what if pursuing a PhD wasn't meant to happen? What am I going to say to all the people who know about my PhD acceptance and Vanier scholarship?". And there are other moments where I feel like in 10 years, I'll be laughing over this with my (future) students. 

I am going to do everything I can to pass. I cancelled all my extracurricular activities for the next month. But it doesn't feel comfortable right now to be in my shoes, I feel so much pressure. I don't want everything I have worked so hard to be taken away from me. I try to put that pressure and negative thoughts into a box and not let them paralyze me. I also try to remember that I am a fighter and have always been. I know I belong in academia. I know I want to do a PhD. I know I've got what it takes. I know I am not at fault for what happened. I know this is not reflective of my worth. I know why this happened, how easily avoidable it actually was and who's to blame, but I cannot throw a pity party right now, it's useless. I need to take action and move forward. 

Holy shit. Thanks, university.

All I can say is try to get as many eyes (of anyone who can say something sensible) on your thesis as possible. You can do this!!!!!! And feel free to PM if you need some cheers or some venting. 

[CherryBlossom_]

23 minutes ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I received the official letter from my university saying that if I fail my thesis again, I will be expelled. My emotions are literally a roller coster right now. I still work on my thesis, but there are moments where I feel like "what if I don't make it? what if pursuing a PhD wasn't meant to happen? What am I going to say to all the people who know about my PhD acceptance and Vanier scholarship?". And there are other moments where I feel like in 10 years, I'll be laughing over this with my (future) students. 

I am going to do everything I can to pass. I cancelled all my extracurricular activities for the next month. But it doesn't feel comfortable right now to be in my shoes, I feel so much pressure. I don't want everything I have worked so hard to be taken away from me. I try to put that pressure and negative thoughts into a box and not let them paralyze me. I also try to remember that I am a fighter and have always been. I know I belong in academia. I know I want to do a PhD. I know I've got what it takes. I know I am not at fault for what happened. I know this is not reflective of my worth. I know why this happened, how easily avoidable it actually was and who's to blame, but I cannot throw a pity party right now, it's useless. I need to take action and move forward. 

All my positive thoughts to you.

The first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was the phrase you use as your signature: "I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change... I'm changing the things I cannot accept." You can't change the past... it's done, already happened, gone. What you can do is be outraged by the idea of not succeeding. You can't accept that. You won't. You'll move forward, as you already said. 

[Cheshire_Cat]

My dissertation proposal is in 4 weeks. I'm avoiding writing on my paper because I'm scared and nervous and I don't feel like I'm good enough. I already presented my idea to the faculty and they loved it and gave me suggestions on my design rather than my theory because they found my theory believable. I got results for my pilot. All that is left is the writing and the actual proposal defense. This is all in my head and I know I'll pass. But I has all the feels I was warned about. This is normal. I just need to crawl in a hole for a few weeks and then I'll be back to my regularly sponsored, happy self.

[CherryBlossom_]

I know I'm already dead set on a school (ok, 99% on it). But there is this process that didn't come out yet. A master's program in Canada in a good school, with full stipend. It's quite obvious I'm not getting in this late in the application season, but every time I talk to my dad ("dad, I'm going to accept the "99%" offer, ok?") he just sends me away with a flea in my ear: "What about school x? Can't you wait for one more day to accept the offer? What if x gets back to you tomorrow?" And it's driving me crazy.

The following paragraph won't be popular, I know =( but it's just me venting.

I applied in early December for their master's program and so far I've heard nothing from them. I tried to contact POI twice by e-mail (it's a requirement... to secure a supervisor) and got no response (not even a "sorry, I'm not supervising new students this year"); tried to contact admissions team to submit GRE scores and got no response / tried to contact admissions team to ask about status 3 times in the past 4 months: got no response / tried to call: no success. It makes me kind of mad/sad when I think about it, it's like the process works in a way that the ultimate goal seems to be sacred and unreachable, with applicants having to wait for as long as it takes to have an answer (positive or negative), with no access to details whatsoever. I wasn't in Academia but I, too, had a job (maybe not "as pure") and, yes, I had responsibilities, deadlines and had to manage expectations from both bosses and clients. Guys: we're in MAY, it's MORE THAN A THIRD OF A YEAR. It's people's lives we're talking about. REAL lives =( People moving abroad, people quitting their jobs, people committing all their savings, people investing their mental health on this process.

When it comes to my dad's concerns... I know I don't "owe" him explanations (it's my money, my life etc), and that he's just caring about me ❤️ He's the sweetest thing in the whole world and I'm so happy he's helping me decide and giving me advice. After all, I'll commit 70K USD to this new life and, in my currency, "it's money". Probably, he's just scared to have a recently single 29-year-old daughter, who has just quit her high-paying job to move abroad and go back to academia and spend all her money on it. But I'm getting really anxious here. I want to commit to my new life, and I'm really excited about this program/this school in the US. I want to start planning ahead, get the visa, look for condos, buy my air tickets... ❤️ I'm already an overanxious person, this whole process messed up with my anxiety and OCD symptoms like never before, but I'm glad it's closer to an end. ?

 

Edited May 1, 2019 by CherryBlossom_
Venting more and being more controversial

[NotAlice]

I'm despondent, not quite depressed not quite happy. I'm finishing my first year of grad school and last semester was killer academically, this semester personal issues have plagued me. I expected all of this, even the loneliness of moving away from family and friends. I'm a non-trad student who has an established life "back home," but couldn't do my master's in that town. It's that last few weeks of semester where my own work and TA work is going to be piling in this week, then I'll move home for the summer and regroup. It would be nice if the personal life and academic life both went well for a semester. *sigh*

[Adelaide9216]

Seeing how far previous Vanier scholars have gone make me very anxious. I want to go far as well and I know that having Vanier would help me. But now, I may lose the scholarship if I don't pass my master's thesis.

FML

[Teaching Faculty Wannabe]

Finding housing is stressful.

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

My boyfriend has depression

[Adelaide9216]

39 minutes ago, Carly Rae Jepsen said:

My boyfriend has depression

I am sorry:(

[Halek]

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.

But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

[ResilientDreams]

I just found out that parking was a separate thing that I needed to pay extra for to have included in my lease and now they're all out of parking passes, so I won't have my car for the first year of grad school. ?

[Adelaide9216]

I feel like crying. Too much pressure. 

[PokePsych]

have a migraine for 2 days now

[Adelaide9216]

1 hour ago, Psygeek said:

have a migraine for 2 days now

*hugs* 

[Cheshire_Cat]

On 5/8/2019 at 8:37 AM, Halek said:

I'm tired to defending my adulthood to people. I worked in the "real world" before coming to grad school, you can't just take my "adult" status away from me like that.

But the more I defend the more it's used against me, like a teenager saying they're an adult. I'm 24 year old, I live separate from my parents, I'm financially independent, I actually live on the opposite side of the continent from any sort of support network. I'm pretty sure I'm an adult. And yet, at least once every few weeks, I gotta have this same argument again and again. 

This was one of the hardest things for me about going to grad school. I worked for a few years and had an envied professional certification, and now I'm a "student" again? Yeah, no. I think it is especially hard when you are younger because you haven't been a "real adult" for long. And now it seems like its being taken away.

 But as the years have passed, I've gotten over it. My parents' friends still think I'm in grad school because I couldn't find a job and are very surprised when I tell them I have the certification I do. But its whatever. If I'm feeling insecure I just tell people I'm a college instructor (because I am) and leave it at that. A year from now I'll be Dr. CheshireCat and they'll all be super amazed, as if it came out of nowhere, haha.