Post here to get your worries off your chest

[Izakawa]

Worries:  1. All of my friends already got accepted to their first choice programs. Only me left-anxiously waiting results of the waitlist. So devastated and crushed.

                  2. I am a senior student and have 15 credits more to graduate. Have no energy at all and cannot concentrate on anything. Afraid to have mental disease soon 

Excitement: Finally, I will graduate within next 3 months

[battermix]

Worries: Sent 6 applications off two weeks ago and I know nothing is gonna happen till March yet here I am, anxiously checking my portals and mails thrice a day. Have a low GPA of 3.45, GRE AWA of 4.0 and no pubs, yet ambitiously applied to two Ivys. Currently taking a gap year and seriously have NOTHING to do (I mean I lie in bed whole day and play Overwatch or Fortnite with my mum yelling at me to get up and not just be a piece of meat on bed). 

Excitement: Hard to find any. I am training for a marathon, so I am excited about that I guess.. 

[virusologii]

Worries: I just received an email from my top choice, which I interviewed with a few weeks ago, saying that I was not accepted. I thought the interview went amazing, and I loved the program and all the people in it. I've had two interviews since, neither of which went as well as the first one, so now I'm scared that I won't get in anywhere. I'm also really really heartbroken, because I've been dreaming about this program since my previous lab collaborated with a PI there a few years ago. I don't really know what I'm going to do if I don't get in anywhere. I don't really have a backup plan. 

Excitement: I still do have a couple more interviews, and I know I'm really lucky to have so many opportunities to showcase what I know and how much I love my subject. So I have more opportunities to (hopefully) get in somewhere. I guess just cross my fingers and do my best, and what happens will happen. 

[CancerBiology]

On 1/22/2019 at 1:19 AM, talkalot_360 said:

Worries: During the interview, they asked me about a time I offended someone with my work and while talking about it I unconsciously did a jerk off hand motion and then when I realized what I was doing I panicked and went “Oh shit, not gonna keep doing that motion” while pushing my hand down with my other hand ??

 

Excitement: At least I was chosen for an interview and if I do get in even after doing that then that means that I’m so good at what I do that I’m worth accepting an unprofessional liability with no social filter

This made my freaking day hahaha I wanna be your friend

[CancerBiology]

This thread makes me happy (because I needed to read some of the things posted here) and sad at the same time. You guys got this. I am international too and went to a European school and got 4 interviews so far and waitlisted for interview at 1 school. I do not have a stellar GPA or GRE and got interviews at Ivies. We all have something that makes us special, you just have to show that in your personal statement. Everything happens for a reason, seriously!

Worries: I won't do well on my interviews and will not get anywhere, but hopefully this does not happen. I am just concerned about not being able to express myself as good as I would want to since I am European and English is not my first language (I hope they understand that). We'll see!

Excitement: I got interviews at places I thought I would never even make it to the interview! I am super excited to even have the chance to interview at all of these places honestly. If this does not work well, I got a job offer at one Ivy that I got rejected from and was my first option (cried for several days lol). So if things don't go well I will just go there and work for one year and reapply. It feels good to have a plan B for sure!

[historygeek]

I feel like we're coming down to the wire with waiting, and I feel like the closer we get to February, the more anxious I get. I know that most of my programs won't tell me until probably next week (hopefully I can get an acceptance next week), but I'm still terrified. I keep seeing people on my personal Facebook getting into places (though all Master's programs), and it's frustrating to only have radio silence.

I visited a school in October and, while I feel the fit is great and I loved the program environment, I keep overthinking everything about that visit. What's worse is that they only accept 3 PhD applicants a year! They're not a "top-rated" program, so maybe they'll have fewer applicants, but it's nerve-racking. I honestly feel like that'll be my best bet (my numbers weren't super strong), but I still don't know if I made the cut. One of the professors I spoke with told me in an email that she "hopes brings you here!" I had good conversations with everyone I visited and I got a recommendation from a professor that's really well-respected by the department (I had this professor as a study abroad student at this university's study abroad program). I can't find any admissions statistics (I.e., how many people apply every year) for them, which makes it all the scarier. 

[sgaw10]

February scares me. I really think I am going to be ghosted until March/April, since it's starting to seem like all interview invites have been sent out. Trying to keep myself occupied with work and school. But everything is going to be closed tomorrow because of brutally cold weather, so I get to stay at home and refresh my emails all day ?

[historygeek]

4 minutes ago, sgaw10 said:

February scares me. I really think I am going to be ghosted until March/April, since it's starting to seem like all interview invites have been sent out. Trying to keep myself occupied with work and school. But everything is going to be closed tomorrow because of brutally cold weather, so I get to stay at home and refresh my emails all day ?

I see you're interviewing at WashU! If that's where you end up (or go visit), feel free to message me-- I'm a current SLU student and can give you some recommendations about the city. ^.^

[madandmoonly]

Worries: Clearly this is just indicative that I need to get off this website (lol) but I'm worried that I didn't set my sights high enough? I didn't even attempt to apply to other programs, only a few that were close to home. I really just didn't want to leave my family/friends for another 5+ years. But I feel like that makes me a bad academic... Blah.

Excitement: Obviously, I'm thrilled to already be accepted into the only school I really wanted to attend. 

[jriveracal]

I'm pretty sure it's safe to assume I have implied rejections from UC Berkeley and UCLA. Cal did phone calls yesterday offering acceptances, and UCLA has done 4-5 rounds of offers via email.

The only two schools I felt somewhat confident in and the only two I feel I had a decent shot at. 

I'm 99.9999% confident that my life is over.

Excitement: I brought hot Cheetos to work today. So that's cool.

[LizKay]

Worries: I worry that this application cycle for grad school will be a repeat of exactly 10 years ago when I was in high school and applying to colleges. I worry that despite my scores, experience, and writing ability, they’ll just say in the end that I’m not qualified for the program because I don’t meet the prerequisites and that will be that.

Excitement: If I do get in, I won’t even know what to say... This will make up for all the indecision and changing of fields that I’ve gone through in the past decade. I’ll finally be studying what I love at a school I’ve always wanted to go to, working towards a career that I should have chosen long, long ago.

[OperationPhDforMe]

Worries: That I won't get into any programs. Currently waiting for inevitable rejections from at least 3 schools and fearful that this Friday will seal the deal for the rest of the programs I applied into.

Excitement: If my attempt at getting a Ph.D. in a profession I have devoted my life to fails, I will probably just get married and start a family with my partner of 7 years.  

[SilentKnight]

Worries: Not getting into any programs and got sent back to my country. I applied for 3 top schools, and one safe school but the anxiety are killing me. I'm currently working, graduated from undergrad school for 3 yrs, and my company is doing sponsorship, but all mean nothing if I don't get to at least one school.

 

Excitement: I wish I had one right now.

[scthorne]

Worries: having just gotten my first rejection last night from my top choice, I'm now worried I won't get in anywhere.

Excitement: this means if I do go to grad school this fall, it'll be in a new to me city! That's exciting, right? 

 

 

Right???

[notthatbuthis]

I am hoping that putting all of this into writing will help me but we'll see.

Worries: I won't be accepted anywhere. No interviews yet. Acceptances/rejections in my field haven't started to roll out yet, but the waiting is making me very nervous. I am afraid that my mediocre undergrad GPA will hold me back. I am an international student and it took a while for me to get used to the US system. I submitted my applications very late, mostly on the last day of the deadlines. I had a lot of trouble with my LoRs - not the writers but the process. Which is my fault for applying so late. I am still in an MA program, the applications have taken up my time last semester and this uncertainty will mentally keep me from working on my thesis next semester. I have been successful in my MA so far but I cannot tell if it's a small pond situation, not to mention the great amount of chance that plays into getting accepted.

Excitement: I love academia. The past years in my MA program have been wonderful and given me hope that I can also succeed in a PhD program. I am at the level where I can handle the stress and workload. Living in the US for a couple of years has been something I've always wanted and I'm looking forward to that. I just need one school to give me a chance.

[ibsby98]

Worries: I won't be accepted. No acceptances/rejections in my field yet, but I am so nervous I can't even focus at work. I worry that my lack of experience will hurt me. I am straight out of undergrad and most people I see getting in have years of relevant experience and then there's me. 

Excitement: I discovered Human Computer Interaction during my undergrad and the opportunity to learn more about it literally makes me giddy.

[LOiseauRouge]

Worries: I had been emailing the director of one of the programs I was applying for throughout the application process, so once I submitted my app, I thanked her for her time and help. She responded back to that email, having read my writing sample, and talked about how much she enjoyed it. This was back in December. I didn't respond because I wasn't sure if I should (if that crossed some sort of boundary) and I'm thinking I probably should have and I'm worried she'll think I'm rude/disinterested in the program now. 

Excitement: I have an interview with NYU on Wednesday and one of my profs said my POI there called him about my app and was super interested! 

[historygeek]

Worries: Some people have already gotten their acceptances to Harvard, and I've had radio silence from them and every other place I've applied. 

Excitement: I got my first acceptance today! It's an MA program, but I was accepted on the day of the priority funding deadline. No matter what else happens, I'm going to grad school!

[dire straits]

Worries:  I applied to 12 schools in HEP-th which is very competitive. One of my recommenders uploaded the letter well past the deadline for 6 schools. Hence, I am worried that I will get automatically rejected from those programs. To add on to it, the wait is making me nervous and I am afraid that I will get rejected from all of the schools. My biggest worry is what will I do if I am rejected from all the schools. All through my undergrad, I have only worked in physics and I don't even know what jobs are out there in the industry, let alone knowing anything about them.

Excitement: I hate the city I am currently living in and can finally move away when I graduate in 3 months.

[phdmang]

Worries: I only applied to top schools, and I don't think I don't think I spent enough time studying the "politics" of the departments I applied to.  For example, the two faculty members at one of my top choices are both on sabbatical this year (and, of course, they both told me they would have accepted me if they were on campus this year when I spoke with them...), and my other two top choices are each only taking 1 candidate this year.  I also think I may have applied for a subdiscipline for which I am only a marginally attractive candidate, and that I could have applied to another and had much better chances. As a final regret, I sent "stock" SOP to a school where a professor was the most excited about my profile, not discovering his profile until the last minute (and then really hitting it off with him over the phone).  He gave me a "soft" offer and immediately recommended me for admission to the PhD director, but also told me that this was the first year he wasn't 100% in charge of admissions...

Excitements: I'm proud of myself for following through, and I have put an incredible amount of effort into these applications: I've read about 3 dozen faculty papers, emailed each of them individually, and, in generally, written great applications.  This process has also helped me to clarify where my own research interests lie.  While there are things I could have done differently had I known better, I truly don't think I could have done "more".  I also have LORs from Ivy League professors who think well enough of me to have submitted to this. Here's hoping that at least ONE of my eight applications works out!  

[Mataharii]

Worries: I've been admitted to most of the schools I've applied to. While I feel tremendously excited and lucky, I am also having a ton of imposter syndrome. I worry that I will not make it at these programs. I keep convincing myself that I've somehow created a deceptive profile of myself that has gotten me into all of them, and that once I start PhD program, they'll realize I'm actually an idiot. Lol. I guess this fear is common.

Excitement: About the same thing? Sort of? It is really exciting to have so many options and to get to pursue research in a field I love.

Edited February 1, 2019 by Mataharii

[hardatwork]

Worries: I recently reread my personal statement and it was a lot more disjointed than I remember it being. Also, at the start of the process I got conflicting information about reaching out to potential advisors. Now I fear that my inaction on that front has eliminated my chances. I fear my GPA worked against me because I was a stupid freshman who once took premed classes.

Excitement: I have one offer and another interview. I'm super excited about both! It's nice to know that I definitely have a plan for next year no matter what happens going forward. 

[ImperatorGryphon]

Worries: Radio silence from my top two programs, even after what I thought was an encouraging visit back at the end of November, and I know at least the first round of unofficial acceptances went out.  I've heard back from only one program, and that was basically to tell me that they were about to start the process.  Meanwhile, I see so many people getting success after success after success.  I know that there are plenty of options - multiple backup plans have either later deadlines or rolling admissions - but it's getting disheartening.

 

Excitement:  I love this stuff, and I'm excited to actually get into the field.  I did three major research projects last year for my capstone projects, I had a blast doing them, and I want to do it more.

[fortsibut]

I've actually resigned myself to a failed application cycle, which you'd think would make it easier to kick back and relax but it really doesn't.  I'm worried that there's just not a whole lot left I can do to position myself as a better candidate next fall and I have a lot on my plate right now with work, finances, and time management so even if I saw a clear pathway to a stronger application it'd be hard to do much about it right now.

[Quail]

Worries: I empathize with those who have found difficulty finding something to do with their time. My mind feels as though it has been locked away over the past months, as though the ignition has gone fragile, and the engine won't turn over. I have a couple of perfect GRE sections, and a near-perfect GPA from my Masters. Throughout the day, I will have an involuntary memory of a silly line that I included in this or that statement of purpose, and stifle a little scream from embarrassment. I spent months writing the same two pages, so I don't think that I ever will understand it. I held back at a number of points, because I resented the appearance of a confessional, I think. Ditto for my writing samples. I have long suspected (an odd auto-prophesy hanging over me) that I would arrive at this very moment (taking a year off, applying to PhD) and that good luck would finally end without explanation. The process has made me selfish. Leaving New York, returning to a small un-named town to wait it out has offered life a profound anti-climax (international student btw). I pretend to not exist. I've spent the past eight years intending to study, and also considering that there have been others who have sacrificed a great deal for me to go on doing so, I would be crushed with guilt if I were to stall-out here and now (my family for instance, certainly would blame me, and even, I suspect, enjoy it a little). I could have played the game a little better, learned the politics--though I've begun to think it takes multiple generations to build this kind of aptitude. Haven't heard from any departments yet.

 

Excitement: Admittance would be like taking a steam bath, once and for all.

Edited February 3, 2019 by Quail