*I is stressed* venting thread for Fall 2020 Applicants

[ballostress]

I just feel so completely useless because I only have one interview invitation and it is from the school where I interned during the summer so it was a complete pity invite. I just feel so defeated because I know I likely won't get in and I just wish I could understand what I did wrong. It is so frustrating to be ghosted by the programs because I would rather know that I was not invited to interview so I could at least write it off as a rejection. Especially to the schools who sent out that information in late December. It just makes me wonder if I should even bother continuing to try with this. I feel so bad for my parents too because I feel like I am letting the family down by failing to get in anywhere.

[SoundofSilence]

10 minutes ago, ballostress said:

I just feel so completely useless because I only have one interview invitation and it is from the school where I interned during the summer so it was a complete pity invite. I just feel so defeated because I know I likely won't get in and I just wish I could understand what I did wrong. It is so frustrating to be ghosted by the programs because I would rather know that I was not invited to interview so I could at least write it off as a rejection. Especially to the schools who sent out that information in late December. It just makes me wonder if I should even bother continuing to try with this. I feel so bad for my parents too because I feel like I am letting the family down by failing to get in anywhere.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I felt this way many times over (applied for college twice, then master's, now my second round of PhD apps..) 

You did not fail (yourself, your family, or anyone else). This is the most competitive process for grad school - hey, it's easier to get into med school/ law school.

I will not add more reasons, since I am sure you get a lot of quality advice on here, but just one thing - don't think of the invite as a "pity invite". You would not have gotten it unless you deserved it and POIs wanted you there. Do you best, and see how it goes. I did a prestigious research program during a summer at a school, and got a great letter from the PI, and did not get an interview there. So if you think you failed and got an invite, take a look at this clown over here ? (me)

Spots are limited, POIs have to make hard decisions, and often times great people are left like you are now. Don't despair! Getting to where you want and where you're supposed to be is never a straight path for some of us. However, the journey there is often worth it and full of things to learn. 

Best of luck!

[justacigar]

45 minutes ago, sparrow123 said:

I love this, thanks for writing your comment.

The one thing I worry about is that I already feel like I'm so behind. At 27, I expect I'm older than a lot of people on this forum because I already have a Master's degree (in experimental psych) and I will always wonder if I did the wrong thing by getting a degree I didn't want in the hopes that it would boost my chances in getting into a clinical psych program. I might have been wrong about that, it's certainly looking that way now. The thought of starting another Master's degree when I'm 28, almost 29, is super disheartening. But I can't take back any of my past decisions, it is what it is.

28 year old here! Turning 29 this year. If i have to reapply, that means I might be 30 when I start a PhD program. That gave me a lot of anxiety at first, but I'm going to age anyways. I would rather age doing something fulfilling and meaningful. It does suck to feel like I'm getting a late start on my career, but timing doesn't matter as much as just doing the thing!

Can I ask why you would spend time getting another master's degree? 

[penguinqueen]

15 minutes ago, ballostress said:

I just feel so completely useless because I only have one interview invitation and it is from the school where I interned during the summer so it was a complete pity invite. I just feel so defeated because I know I likely won't get in and I just wish I could understand what I did wrong. It is so frustrating to be ghosted by the programs because I would rather know that I was not invited to interview so I could at least write it off as a rejection. Especially to the schools who sent out that information in late December. It just makes me wonder if I should even bother continuing to try with this. I feel so bad for my parents too because I feel like I am letting the family down by failing to get in anywhere.

Heeellllooooooooooo, 

First of all- schools don't do pity invites. They have far too many qualified applicants to waste a spot on someone they're not interested in. So, I'm pretty sure they're interested in you, and that's awesome!! 

As for your other feelings, I 10000000% understand. I have applied twice now (this is round 3) where I didn't get it. The first year, I didn't get any interviews. My parents and all my friends were so confident I'd get in and it felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world, especially when I had to tell people. BUT. They loved me, as I'm sure your friends and family love you, and they just wanted to support me. No one felt let down or like I had failed them, and when I explained how difficult this process is and the acceptance rates, they were EVEN MORE supportive. 

As for continuing with this path, are you passionate about it? Do you love it? Can you imagine yourself doing anything else? If you're not 100% in love with this career, it may be difficult to keep going, because rejection is everywhere, at every level. BUT if you truly want to do this, the rejection is worth it, even if it takes a little time to get where you want to go! Most everyone does not get in their first round, so don't write yourself off because of that. 

From a girl who laid on the floor and cried because I didn't get in last cycle and it really hurt, it does get better, if you want it to and you work for it. Feel free to PM if you wanna talk more! 

[sparrow123]

16 minutes ago, justacigar said:

28 year old here! Turning 29 this year. If i have to reapply, that means I might be 30 when I start a PhD program. That gave me a lot of anxiety at first, but I'm going to age anyways. I would rather age doing something fulfilling and meaningful. It does suck to feel like I'm getting a late start on my career, but timing doesn't matter as much as just doing the thing!

Can I ask why you would spend time getting another master's degree? 

I love that way of thinking so much - "I'm going to age anyways. I would rather age doing something fulfilling and meaningful". I'm going to try to keep that in mind!

I applied to both PhD and Master's programs - although I have an experimental psych Master's, I obviously didn't take any clinical courses and some of the universities I applied to require a Master's in clinical before doing a PhD. Ideally I would have applied to only PhD programs, but one of the POIs I would love to work with is at a university that won't admit anyone to a clinical PhD without a Master's degree in clinical (and they usually only take students who did their Master's at that university). 

[sparrow123]

1 hour ago, Oluwachristabel said:

We're the same age and have the same circumstances ?? I feel you. *hugs*

Thank you, this made me tear up haha. Feeling pretty emotional lately.

[sparrow123]

1 hour ago, andhowdoesthatmakeyoufeel said:

 

26 here, turning 27 this year. I have a lot of anxiety about going back at this age---especially because I want children----so I totally understand your stress. But you can't second guess yourself, it was the right decision for you at the time and it might still be the right decision for you now. Life is an evolving process, and it's gonna be okay. 

Thank you ❤️

[PsyZei]

1 hour ago, sparrow123 said:

I love this, thanks for writing your comment.

The one thing I worry about is that I already feel like I'm so behind. At 27, I expect I'm older than a lot of people on this forum because I already have a Master's degree (in experimental psych) and I will always wonder if I did the wrong thing by getting a degree I didn't want in the hopes that it would boost my chances in getting into a clinical psych program. I might have been wrong about that, it's certainly looking that way now. The thought of starting another Master's degree when I'm 28, almost 29, is super disheartening. But I can't take back any of my past decisions, it is what it is.

At 27 I had not even started college yet- instead my last education milestone was graduating from high school in the lower third of my class (and was honestly just happy to have graduated). I didn't even start undergrad college until I was in my 30s- much less masters. I totally know the feeling you are talking about (I literally have children closer to my next oldest cohort-mate's age than I am) AND neither of us is behind. Our journeys are ours. Getting this education and working towards the career is important to me (and I assume you), not the age I do it at. We've both got this ?

[yeeboi]

1 hour ago, sparrow123 said:

I love this, thanks for writing your comment.

The one thing I worry about is that I already feel like I'm so behind. At 27, I expect I'm older than a lot of people on this forum because I already have a Master's degree (in experimental psych) and I will always wonder if I did the wrong thing by getting a degree I didn't want in the hopes that it would boost my chances in getting into a clinical psych program. I might have been wrong about that, it's certainly looking that way now. The thought of starting another Master's degree when I'm 28, almost 29, is super disheartening. But I can't take back any of my past decisions, it is what it is.

That's a tough position to be in, and I'm sure you've already done plenty of self-reflection when it comes to what you should do. If I can say anything, it would be to make sure that you're not holding onto this dream out of a sense of obligation to the hard work you've put in over the years. What's best for you now? I say this because I was in a similar position, wanting to pursue another career that I wanted for much of my life. But as undergrad progressed, I changed as a person--in my priorities and in my interests. Switching to clinical was a hard decision because I felt like I was letting my past self down. In reality, what I want at the moment is more important than anything.

Forgive yourself. Do what you're willing and wanting to do for this career, but also remember you are capable of succeeding in other avenues if that's what you want. There's genuinely no wrong choice you can make as long as you feel like you're doing right by yourself and your life.

[ballostress]

1 hour ago, penguinqueen said:

Heeellllooooooooooo, 

First of all- schools don't do pity invites. They have far too many qualified applicants to waste a spot on someone they're not interested in. So, I'm pretty sure they're interested in you, and that's awesome!! 

As for your other feelings, I 10000000% understand. I have applied twice now (this is round 3) where I didn't get it. The first year, I didn't get any interviews. My parents and all my friends were so confident I'd get in and it felt like the bottom had dropped out of my world, especially when I had to tell people. BUT. They loved me, as I'm sure your friends and family love you, and they just wanted to support me. No one felt let down or like I had failed them, and when I explained how difficult this process is and the acceptance rates, they were EVEN MORE supportive. 

As for continuing with this path, are you passionate about it? Do you love it? Can you imagine yourself doing anything else? If you're not 100% in love with this career, it may be difficult to keep going, because rejection is everywhere, at every level. BUT if you truly want to do this, the rejection is worth it, even if it takes a little time to get where you want to go! Most everyone does not get in their first round, so don't write yourself off because of that. 

From a girl who laid on the floor and cried because I didn't get in last cycle and it really hurt, it does get better, if you want it to and you work for it. Feel free to PM if you wanna talk more! 

Thank you so much for this. I really love getting the support. I just have to work on plan B and get that started because I cannot see myself doing anything else and being happy so I just have to work harder!

[hermm]

4 hours ago, sparrow123 said:

I love this, thanks for writing your comment.

The one thing I worry about is that I already feel like I'm so behind. At 27, I expect I'm older than a lot of people on this forum because I already have a Master's degree (in experimental psych) and I will always wonder if I did the wrong thing by getting a degree I didn't want in the hopes that it would boost my chances in getting into a clinical psych program. I might have been wrong about that, it's certainly looking that way now. The thought of starting another Master's degree when I'm 28, almost 29, is super disheartening. But I can't take back any of my past decisions, it is what it is.

27 here going on 28! Currently finishing up my clinical masters and really hoping I can make this cycle happen because, like others have said, I'm hoping to have a family/get married in the next decade ideally haha. I think as you have seen, there are more than a few of us but I agree it definitely adds a layer of panic to the process. I don't really have any advice, just relating, I almost went the experimental route because I really needed to demonstrate research experience so I feel you on the indecision. I think at least you know you're not alone, and the important thing is you are pursuing something you love. Ik those feels like shallow words in the midst of all this, but I've met so many people our age who already completely hate their jobs, but are basically locked in for life or not interested in anything enough to pursue a specific career (like research/clinical work). 

[SocDevMum]

3 hours ago, PsyZei said:

At 27 I had not even started college yet- instead my last education milestone was graduating from high school in the lower third of my class (and was honestly just happy to have graduated). I didn't even start undergrad college until I was in my 30s- much less masters. I totally know the feeling you are talking about (I literally have children closer to my next oldest cohort-mate's age than I am) AND neither of us is behind. Our journeys are ours. Getting this education and working towards the career is important to me (and I assume you), not the age I do it at. We've both got this ?

Same here - I'm going to be 43 this Fall when I start my grad program.  I'm balancing research, work, classwork, as well as family obligations, as I have three teenagers, two of whom are still at home.  At 27, I barely knew what I was doing with my life, and I can't even imagine succeeding in a PhD program at 23 or 24. Having a few years "out in the world" allows us to bring a different perspective and life skills to the table, so think of it as an advantage! 

In many countries, people don't start PhDs until after they have worked for several years, it is a North American (especially a US) thing to run straight through undergrad and grad.  We're not behind, we are right on our own time, and we still have years of life ahead of us to research, to treat clients if you're clinical, and make an impact on our world.  

[Psychedbeyondrepair]

On 1/19/2020 at 4:10 PM, SocPsyPhDWannabe said:

That feeling when you get an email from a school and it's just an advertisement...

 

Status: Titillated. Disappointed.

I really thought this was just me. Every time I get an email I have a mini heart attack!!! 

[Vanilla Bean]

Hi everyone. I don’t really have many friends and family that understand this whole process, so I’m posting here to hopefully receive some support from people that may be on the same boat. 

So, based on all of the results that I have seen posted on GradCafe so far, I can’t help but feel like I have already been rejected to every program that I have applied to. Pretty much every program I applied to this application cycle has already sent out interview invites and I did not receive one so the rejection is pretty self-explanatory there, and there’s still one program that I’m still not sure where I stand and if that specific POI has even reviewed my application, but I’d obviously have to get extremely lucky to receive an interview and an acceptance from that one program at this point so I really do not want to get my hopes up only to get disappointed in the end. So basically I’m feeling extremely pessimistic and defeated. Do you all recommend contacting that specific faculty member or maybe the department to see where I stand? I was also wondering if, even though I have not been invited to a single on-site interview, there is still a possibility that I was placed on the waitlist for any of the programs I applied to? This is my first round, so I’m not quite sure how the whole waitlist thing works either. I’ve only actually received an official rejection from two programs. Should I just assume rejection from the other programs, or should I still keep on hoping? I’m just ready for all of this anxiety to be over; so, should I start preparing my application materials for another round, or should I still keep hoping that I may be successful this round?

Additionally, some words of encouragement would be extremely helpful if you have any. I feel incredibly defeated and hurt. This is my first round, but I have completed an honors thesis and a masters thesis, had my honors thesis published (and my masters thesis is currently being prepared for publication), about 11 poster presentations, about four years of research experience, a 3.9 undergraduate GPA and 4.0 psychology GPA, I had pretty much everything I thought PhD programs were searching for and I emailed every single POI beforehand asking if my research interests were a good fit for their lab. On top of that, I am really financially struggling right now due to all of those application fees and what not... I am just really not in a good place right now, and I feel like I have nobody to turn to. ?

Edited January 22, 2020 by lolhelp

[Vanilla Bean]

How does one even go about a second round? Do I apply to work with the same POIs or start looking for new people I’d want to work with or?? Should I ask them for feedback on how to strengthen my application!? I am so at a loss with how I’m going to navigate a second round too. ?

Edited January 22, 2020 by lolhelp

[Ppkitty]

3 minutes ago, lolhelp said:

How does one even go about a second round? Do I apply to work with the same POIs or start looking for new people I’d want to work with or?? Should I ask them for feedback on how to strengthen my application!? I am so at a loss with how I’m going to navigate a second round too. ?

I would say all of the above! Ask for POI advice, integrate and apply it if you get it and it’s feasible, and apply more broadly to more PIs. They won’t think badly if you for applying again, in fact, it’s a sign of perseverance and true interest in the program.

[FarShadey]

50 minutes ago, lolhelp said:

How does one even go about a second round? Do I apply to work with the same POIs or start looking for new people I’d want to work with or?? Should I ask them for feedback on how to strengthen my application!? I am so at a loss with how I’m going to navigate a second round too. ?

Do not give up hope yet! I have several friends that received invites to interview all the way in early April!

Edited January 23, 2020 by FarShadey

[Douglard]

50 minutes ago, lolhelp said:

 

Additionally, some words of encouragement would be extremely helpful if you have any. I feel incredibly defeated and hurt. This is my first round, but I have completed an honors thesis and a masters thesis, had my honors thesis published (and my masters thesis is currently being prepared for publication), about 11 poster presentations, about four years of research experience, a 3.9 undergraduate GPA and 4.0 psychology GPA, I had pretty much everything I thought PhD programs were searching for and I emailed every single POI beforehand asking if my research interests were a good fit for their lab. On top of that, I am really financially struggling right now due to all of those application fees and what not... I am just really not in a good place right now, and I feel like I have nobody to turn to. ?

You sound incredibly qualified, and like you took all of the necessary steps for strong applications. I know this whole process can be disheartening and confusing. Also I can complete relate about the pricey application fees and mental health distress that comes from investing in these programs. However, I would encourage you to also take time to take care of yourself these next few months. Yes, your family and friends don't completely understand what you are going through, but you deserve their encouragement and support. 

This is my first time applying as well and I just received my first formal rejection letter today. I actually asked the program for their feedback on my application and found it super helpful and reassuring. Maybe a few of your programs could offer you that as well, so that next time you can fine tune your applications to better meet their fit. 

It sounds like you are super committed to this field so don't give up hope just yet! ❤️ With time you will only become more qualified and an even stronger candidate. Best of luck! 

[SocDevMum]

54 minutes ago, lolhelp said:

 

Additionally, some words of encouragement would be extremely helpful if you have any. I feel incredibly defeated and hurt. This is my first round, but I have completed an honors thesis and a masters thesis, had my honors thesis published (and my masters thesis is currently being prepared for publication), about 11 poster presentations, about four years of research experience, a 3.9 undergraduate GPA and 4.0 psychology GPA, I had pretty much everything I thought PhD programs were searching for and I emailed every single POI beforehand asking if my research interests were a good fit for their lab.

Your CV sounds quite good, to me. I'm sure this all comes down to research fit, and the POIs you applied to may not have felt you were the best fit for their labs.  While I agree that contacting POIs to see if they think you might fit is important, but I also think it all comes down to connection.  I must have emailed a dozen POIs in the year running up to application season, I only applied to 5, and so far only one of those made me an offer. At each program, I had made multiple contacts and had conversations with profs and grad students, and everyone encouraged me to apply.... and here we are near the end of January and nothing. 

Maybe review your personal statement/research interest essay - perhaps it doesn't clearly communicate your ideas as well as professors look for? 

And, don't give up hope on this season just yet. You already have a Masters, oodles of experience and skills, it's entirely possible that you will still get that letter. It's way too early to quit.

[Vanilla Bean]

2 hours ago, Douglard said:

You sound incredibly qualified, and like you took all of the necessary steps for strong applications. I know this whole process can be disheartening and confusing. Also I can complete relate about the pricey application fees and mental health distress that comes from investing in these programs. However, I would encourage you to also take time to take care of yourself these next few months. Yes, your family and friends don't completely understand what you are going through, but you deserve their encouragement and support. 

This is my first time applying as well and I just received my first formal rejection letter today. I actually asked the program for their feedback on my application and found it super helpful and reassuring. Maybe a few of your programs could offer you that as well, so that next time you can fine tune your applications to better meet their fit. 

It sounds like you are super committed to this field so don't give up hope just yet! ❤️ With time you will only become more qualified and an even stronger candidate. Best of luck! 

I just received a formal rejection letter today as well and it really stung! The POI I applied to work with at that school and my honors thesis advisor are friends, so I thought that connection may have helped me a bit, but I guess not. I was devastated as to why I didn’t at least receive a shot at a preliminary interview. ? Some of these rejections have been so surprising. That’s a really good idea to seek out advice from those programs on what I could do to improve next time, so thank you for that suggestion! ❤️

[Vanilla Bean]

2 hours ago, Randi S said:

Your CV sounds quite good, to me. I'm sure this all comes down to research fit, and the POIs you applied to may not have felt you were the best fit for their labs.  While I agree that contacting POIs to see if they think you might fit is important, but I also think it all comes down to connection.  I must have emailed a dozen POIs in the year running up to application season, I only applied to 5, and so far only one of those made me an offer. At each program, I had made multiple contacts and had conversations with profs and grad students, and everyone encouraged me to apply.... and here we are near the end of January and nothing. 

Maybe review your personal statement/research interest essay - perhaps it doesn't clearly communicate your ideas as well as professors look for? 

And, don't give up hope on this season just yet. You already have a Masters, oodles of experience and skills, it's entirely possible that you will still get that letter. It's way too early to quit.

You’re probably right. Some of the POIs I applied to work with I wasn’t quite sure if my interests were a good fit for their labs. Which is why I emailed everyone with a summary of my research interests and asked if they saw me as being a potentially good fit. I was hoping that if I wasn’t a very good fit, they’d at least tell me not to bother applying. ? But I do have a feeling that perhaps I should try to broaden my research interests so that they are a better fit with more professors’ labs, so thank you for that advice! ❤️ I’m definitely going to be re-evaluating my interests and drafting stronger personal statements next round. 

[JoePianist]

15 hours ago, lolhelp said:

Hi everyone. I don’t really have many friends and family that understand this whole process, so I’m posting here to hopefully receive some support from people that may be on the same boat. 

So, based on all of the results that I have seen posted on GradCafe so far, I can’t help but feel like I have already been rejected to every program that I have applied to. Pretty much every program I applied to this application cycle has already sent out interview invites and I did not receive one so the rejection is pretty self-explanatory there, and there’s still one program that I’m still not sure where I stand and if that specific POI has even reviewed my application, but I’d obviously have to get extremely lucky to receive an interview and an acceptance from that one program at this point so I really do not want to get my hopes up only to get disappointed in the end. So basically I’m feeling extremely pessimistic and defeated. Do you all recommend contacting that specific faculty member or maybe the department to see where I stand? I was also wondering if, even though I have not been invited to a single on-site interview, there is still a possibility that I was placed on the waitlist for any of the programs I applied to? This is my first round, so I’m not quite sure how the whole waitlist thing works either. I’ve only actually received an official rejection from two programs. Should I just assume rejection from the other programs, or should I still keep on hoping? I’m just ready for all of this anxiety to be over; so, should I start preparing my application materials for another round, or should I still keep hoping that I may be successful this round?

Additionally, some words of encouragement would be extremely helpful if you have any. I feel incredibly defeated and hurt. This is my first round, but I have completed an honors thesis and a masters thesis, had my honors thesis published (and my masters thesis is currently being prepared for publication), about 11 poster presentations, about four years of research experience, a 3.9 undergraduate GPA and 4.0 psychology GPA, I had pretty much everything I thought PhD programs were searching for and I emailed every single POI beforehand asking if my research interests were a good fit for their lab. On top of that, I am really financially struggling right now due to all of those application fees and what not... I am just really not in a good place right now, and I feel like I have nobody to turn to. ?

(hugs you) ?

[SocDevMum]

12 hours ago, lolhelp said:

 But I do have a feeling that perhaps I should try to broaden my research interests so that they are a better fit with more professors’ labs,

Or narrow it down?  Having too broad of research interests can kill your app too, because it looks like you have don't have focus or direction.  A question I was asked (and told to expect by mentors here at home) was "what would your thesis be?" Like, EXACTLY what do I see myself researching.  I would say, make sure you have a solid answer to that, that isn't wishy-washy or maybe this or that. Just my two cents

[justacigar]

10 minutes ago, Randi S said:

Or narrow it down?  Having too broad of research interests can kill your app too, because it looks like you have don't have focus or direction.  A question I was asked (and told to expect by mentors here at home) was "what would your thesis be?" Like, EXACTLY what do I see myself researching.  I would say, make sure you have a solid answer to that, that isn't wishy-washy or maybe this or that. Just my two cents

Agreed, casting a wide net is not necessarily a better option. POIs can tell when you lack direction and purpose, and want someone who fits well with what they are doing because they love that discipline, not because you are willy-nilly trying to force yourself to fit ya know? It's also possible to find a new niche within their research, if it's something they are interested in. POIs love when students bring in relevant, new ideas. 

[PsyZei]

19 minutes ago, justacigar said:

It's also possible to find a new niche within their research, if it's something they are interested in. POIs love when students bring in relevant, new ideas. 

I do think this is a thing. For most of my applications I tried to show that I was a potential fit with at least two professors in the program. Sometimes that was easy (as there were multiple faculty were similar research interests), but sometimes looked like there being one professor I was an obvious fit with (which I'm sure they could read as being my preference), then one professor I was a fit with peripherally or niche-wise. Example, for one it was like no my research focus in not the same as theirs AND one of their research focuses is improving mental health services for under-served and hard to reach populations and here I am discussing my current research about improving understanding, from a mental health lens, of an under-served and hard to reach population. It's of note that while I did get an interview invite for that program, it was from my preferred POI (not the one for who the fit was more of a reach). Yet, I can't help but feel doing this at the very least doing this shows that I've seriously looked into the complete program/faculty and demonstrates that I will likely do well in connecting to the program as whole, not just to my one specific POI.