Significant Others and Grad School

[stanzi]

yup im skeptical. made it through my MA but PhD is a whole new world of.... incompatability?

[Eigen]

I've done both... My wife wasn't in grad school for the first 18 months, and now she is. Each has it's challenges, but both are very definitely doable.

[WornOutGrad]

I'll drop out before I give my amazing girlfriend up!!

[neuropsych76]

my girlfriend of 4 years and I will both be attending doctorate programs this fall...but 700 miles apart.

sadly, we decided it would be best to end it since neither of us wants a relationship where we maybe see each other once a year. plus, it gives us a chance to grow individually instead of relying on each other like we did in undergrad.

those are the positives, but it still really sucks.

[tortola23]

I'm lucky enough to be starting my English PhD program this fall at the same school where my s.o. is in the physics PhD program. I'm certainly expecting it to be difficult just because we'll both be very busy, but I actually think it will be easier than this past year has been, when he was in grad school and I was working a boring full-time job. When we're both busy with the same types of things, it should be easier to understand about time constraints, schedule conflicts, and stress.

[rainbowworrier]

I don't think those 3 choices are quite adequate...my answer would have to be:

[ ] moving to attend grad school closer to somebody you were in a relationship with, but there was a break up after you committed to move, and there are still strong feelings in both cases, and you have no clue what the heck is going to happen...

;-)

[SNPCracklePop]

The second my wife's had enough of my long hours and stress level, I'm out!

[StrangeLight]

of the marriage?

[3Romeo]

Broke up with my girlfriend of ten years. She couldn't go and I couldn't stay. Hardest thing I ever did.

[emmm]

I only applied within commuting distance, but I'm not sure my husband is ready. He kind of had to go through this before -- a decade ago -- when I was in med school/residency. I quit that time, since it was not possible to give the kids the attention they needed, so I'm really not prepared to give up my goals again. He'll have to adapt.

[stanzi]

thanks for the responses!

My SO works in trades, so he is able to work anywhere really...

It's the whole lifestyle that I'm worried about. He works 9-5 and ...well i'll be working 24/7!

[newms]

It's the whole lifestyle that I'm worried about. He works 9-5 and ...well i'll be working 24/7!

I think if you end up working 24/7 then you're doing something wrong.

Sure grad school will require us to work at odd hours but we still have to make personal time for ourselves/our family. Otherwise you'll burn out.

[stanzi]

I think if you end up working 24/7 then you're doing something wrong.

Sure grad school will require us to work at odd hours but we still have to make personal time for ourselves/our family. Otherwise you'll burn out.

haha yes..it was a slight exaggeration.

[juilletmercredi]

S.O. is military, which adds a whole other level of stress to this game. (Luckily he's stationed 80 miles south of me...for now)

[SNPCracklePop]

of the marriage?

Nope, school. LOL

[neuropsych76]

my girlfriend of 4 years and I will both be attending doctorate programs this fall...but 700 miles apart.

sadly, we decided it would be best to end it since neither of us wants a relationship where we maybe see each other once a year. plus, it gives us a chance to grow individually instead of relying on each other like we did in undergrad.

those are the positives, but it still really sucks.

lol why did i get a plus 3 for this post?

[Brandi88]

my SO is being a jerk and I'm pretty sure we'll break up before we leave. We're going on almost 5 years and me moving only 5 hours away is making him leave. Oh well, I'll have a new city at my fingertips and school work to make me forget... Plus I'm probably better off, right?

[ktel]

My SO basically only did a Master's so he would stay with me while I finished my undergrad. It was course-based, so just 1 year. Now I've chosen to do my Master's in the city where he works now. We'll see what happens after but we're both obviously committed to making major life choices based on each other.

[starmaker]

My husband dropped out of a grad program before I met him.

I'm not anticipating serious problems during the PhD. We've done fine with me working full-time and MSing part-time.

[wreckofthehope]

My boyfriend and I talked a lot about location when I was applying and I decided to only apply to schools located in large cities which would allow him to move with me and carry on with his career. So, there's been give and take on both sides - he's moving countries to be with me and I've not applied to places that would have been top of my list because of their location. Luckily, I got into a great program in one of our preferred locations - I can't wait to move there together because we really kind of made the choice together.

We've been working vastly different jobs, for the past three years - and I was doing my MA at the same time. I can't wait for grad school - we're actually going to see each other during the week!

[robot_hamster]

Considering the amount of work I have done for my husband's classes, I would almost think we have actually taken classes together! LOL

Hmm, I'm not sure if he would like the two of us taking a class together. Although I think it would be fun because that way I could flirt with a cute boy in class. Hehe..

I am in a relationship with someone who is a student, but not a grad student. My husband is still working on his BA. I'll admit that it has been somewhat difficult, but that doesn't mean that we weren't able to make things work. If two people are committed to each other, then grad school should be just like any other challenge a couple might face and are able to get through together.

Edited July 26, 2011 by robot_hamster

[Econcaramel]

My s o and I are international students and we will be attending grad schools that is 2 hours apart (4 hours on public transportation). We've been through alot but does anyone have any advice about how to deal with the distance?

[Agradatudent]

My s o and I are international students and we will be attending grad schools that is 2 hours apart (4 hours on public transportation). We've been through alot but does anyone have any advice about how to deal with the distance?

In the United States we have something called the "zip code rule" for this situation.

[milou]

I guess I'm in sort of a similar situation. My boyfriend and I absolutely want to stay together - we've been living together for the last two years. I'm moving to a city about 1h45min by train from where he'll be living. Of course the relationship will be different from what it was before - every single evening won't be spent together like before, we'll be busier, and we'll have to be more organized with our time together. I guess I'm just wondering if other people (current grads and others) think that it will be do-able? It's not *such* a long train ride, and if we're organized enough, we should be able to see each other on weekends.

[long_time_lurker]

I guess I'm in sort of a similar situation. My boyfriend and I absolutely want to stay together - we've been living together for the last two years. I'm moving to a city about 1h45min by train from where he'll be living. Of course the relationship will be different from what it was before - every single evening won't be spent together like before, we'll be busier, and we'll have to be more organized with our time together. I guess I'm just wondering if other people (current grads and others) think that it will be do-able? It's not *such* a long train ride, and if we're organized enough, we should be able to see each other on weekends.

Before we got married 3 years ago, my wife and I spent over 10 years living 1.5 hours apart by car. When we were younger without cars the first couple years of that was over 3 hours by public transit. So it's absolutely possible. The question is whether you both really want it or not. If you do and he does, there's no problem.