*I is stressed* venting thread for Fall 2020 Applicants

[goldenxpenguins]

I don't know if it's because I'm having kind of a blah day or what, but I'm starting to second-guess my decision to apply to programs this year. There are days when I feel somewhat confident in my ability to succeed in grad school and other days like today when I think, "Am I even ready for this? Can I even do it? Why would anyone even want me in their program?" Anyone else feeling this way lol? 

[justacigar]

13 minutes ago, goldenxpenguins said:

I don't know if it's because I'm having kind of a blah day or what, but I'm starting to second-guess my decision to apply to programs this year. There are days when I feel somewhat confident in my ability to succeed in grad school and other days like today when I think, "Am I even ready for this? Can I even do it? Why would anyone even want me in their program?" Anyone else feeling this way lol? 

I can somewhat relate in the sense that I sometimes feel like my POIs would be crazy to not give me a chance to interview, and other days when I feel like I'm probably the least qualified person that applied to work for them and will never ever get into a program. I think some oscillation is normal. I think also during this overwhelming, draining process, grad school sounds...terrifying lol. Applications have already taken a significant amount of energy and time. It can be tough to stay motivated. But there was a reason you applied in the first place! I know my scientific motivation and sometimes it's important to remind yourself of your why. 

Hope you can find your determination and grit and persevere! This process is literally the worst. 

[goldenxpenguins]

3 minutes ago, justacigar said:

I can somewhat relate in the sense that I sometimes feel like my POIs would be crazy to not give me a chance to interview, and other days when I feel like I'm probably the least qualified person that applied to work for them and will never ever get into a program. I think some oscillation is normal. I think also during this overwhelming, draining process, grad school sounds...terrifying lol. Applications have already taken a significant amount of energy and time. It can be tough to stay motivated. But there was a reason you applied in the first place! I know my scientific motivation and sometimes it's important to remind yourself of your why. 

Hope you can find your determination and grit and persevere! This process is literally the worst. 

Thank you! I just go back and forth between being excited to being terrified and this waiting isn't doing me any favors lol. I think it's definitely important to remind myself why I applied in the first place, especially during times like this. I never thought this process would be so draining, but I just keep trying to remind myself that once I get through it, I'm that much closer to getting the necessary training to start my career. 

[Alley]

That's exactly what I'm thinking about every day. Sometimes going up, sometime just down. You're not alone??

[SocDevMum]

So much the same... my current PI is keeping me busy with projects and presentation prep for MPA, but the waiting game is torture. Every time I check the results page I feel like a total failure. Then I kick my own butt and remind myself that I have already gotten one interview and verbal offer, so clearly I'm not total garbage.  It helps... sometimes.  

[Vanilla Bean]

2 minutes ago, Randi S said:

So much the same... my current PI is keeping me busy with projects and presentation prep for MPA, but the waiting game is torture. Every time I check the results page I feel like a total failure. Then I kick my own butt and remind myself that I have already gotten one interview and verbal offer, so clearly I'm not total garbage.  It helps... sometimes.  

Completely unrelated but are you the person that posted on the results page reaching out to your POI at FSU and getting rejected? Who was your POI if you don't mind me asking! If that wasn't you, how do you know that you are rejected?? I've heard absolutely nothing from FSU so I'm wondering if I should just count myself out or still keep hope lol 

[psychooooooo]

My eyes burn and my head aches from obsessively checking forums and results for the past 3 weeks. I have yet to hear ANYTHING from any of my 7 schools. Anyone else in the same boat? I'm going insane.

[SocDevMum]

5 minutes ago, lolhelp said:

Completely unrelated but are you the person that posted on the results page reaching out to your POI at FSU and getting rejected? Who was your POI if you don't mind me asking! If that wasn't you, how do you know that you are rejected?? I've heard absolutely nothing from FSU so I'm wondering if I should just count myself out or still keep hope lol 

Nope, I haven't heard from or reached out to FSU, I'm assuming I'm a reject since I saw in a thread that another applicant was told that all invites for the Campus visit have gone out already.  I could be wrong - I've just put FSU out of my headspace so I can concentrate on other possibilities.  

[Psych1st]

6 hours ago, clinicalpsych.2020 said:

Anyone else already looking at apartments on Zillow in the cities of schools that invited you to interview? ?

Lol yes! I'm also looking at hoodies and stuff for the school as well ? The interview isn't until next week but I just want to know if I'm going to be accepted or not already! Ahh!!

[Justice4All]

2 hours ago, Psych1st said:

Lol yes! I'm also looking at hoodies and stuff for the school as well ? The interview isn't until next week but I just want to know if I'm going to be accepted or not already! Ahh!!

lol the amount of university t shirts and "future clinical psychologist" mugs in my amazon shopping cart is ridiculous.

[speechtopsych]

On 1/10/2020 at 4:53 PM, JoePianist said:

Damn, that’s brutal :0 I’m 27 with mediocre GRE scores and went to an average state university for undergrad and got into a PhD Clinical Psychology program with guaranteed funding for five years...

How did you do it??? Share your secrets

[justacigar]

My optimism is in seriously short supply. I found out I was waitlisted by a program this morning (which is better than a straight rejection) and I just feel like I keep barely missing the cut. It's very disheartening and I want to hibernate until this process is over. I want it bad enough to apply again if needed, but holy crap I totally don't feel like I have the energy or willpower to apply again. Blah. 

I also cannot stand uncertainty and this process is all uncertainty! Not being able to plan my future is a struggle for me.

Edited January 15, 2020 by justacigar

[Schy]

21 minutes ago, justacigar said:

My optimism is in seriously short supply. I found out I was waitlisted by a program this morning (which is better than a straight rejection) and I just feel like I keep barely missing the cut. It's very disheartening and I want to hibernate until this process is over. I want it bad enough to apply again if needed, but holy crap I totally don't feel like I have the energy or willpower to apply again. Blah. 

I also cannot stand uncertainty and this process is all uncertainty! Not being able to plan my future is a struggle for me.

I'm sending lots of love! 

This is only my second time trying, but that feeling of not having/being able to plan a future or for a future (in my opinion) makes me feel like I don't have any of my shit together. Like you, I want it bad enough to try again, however I think I'm going to take the time and do some serious reflecting and think about what a ten year plan would like like with a PhD program and without one. I feel like all of us have given academia/higher academia so many pieces of ourselves, and I know for myself, in 2020 I'm going to take SOME of those pieces back (I put a lot of my self worth into academia lolll fml) and I think others should try the same. 

 

[2ndTimeHopeful]

So I think I will propose research to see the prevalence of psychiatric disorders caused by PhD application process. 

[justacigar]

1 hour ago, Schy said:

I'm sending lots of love! 

This is only my second time trying, but that feeling of not having/being able to plan a future or for a future (in my opinion) makes me feel like I don't have any of my shit together. Like you, I want it bad enough to try again, however I think I'm going to take the time and do some serious reflecting and think about what a ten year plan would like like with a PhD program and without one. I feel like all of us have given academia/higher academia so many pieces of ourselves, and I know for myself, in 2020 I'm going to take SOME of those pieces back (I put a lot of my self worth into academia lolll fml) and I think others should try the same. 

 

Yeah, I definitely agree with everything you said. One of my mentors reminded me to not make my happiness contingent on PhD acceptance, which was a great reminder for me that evaluating my self-worth and competence on this totally fucked up admissions process is a terrible idea, lol. It's hard when you have a vision for your life that is completely in the hands of other people! 

I will also be taking 2020 for reflection to really figure out what my next steps are. I'm hoping to get some valuable feedback from POI's when I am officially rejected, to have concrete things to improve upon. 

[clinicalpsych.2022]

Me thinking about the schools I applied to

[hermm]

Hey all I was hoping for some advice. I got an interview offer from my top choice POI  back in December, but today they emailed me to say that they had officially accepted a job at another institution so they would no longer (obviously) be taking students. They told me I was still welcome to interview with someone else at the program, but I'm wondering if this is worth it. To be honest, I really didn't feel like my research background fit well with any of the other labs so I feel a bit pessimistic about my admission chances- given that I wouldn't be a student any of these professors had even considered.

Has anyone had this happen to them? Should I go anyway? Let the interview invite go? Give up on the process entirely because I feel defeated and weary?

Edited January 16, 2020 by hermm

[JoePianist]

27 minutes ago, hermm said:

Has anyone had this happen to them? Should I go anyway? Let the interview invite go? Give up on the process entirely because I feel defeated and weary?

Sounds like you’re leaning towards the last choice.

Edited January 16, 2020 by JoePianist

[Psych1st]

Y'all.. not gonna lie I'm scared 

I have my first and only interview a week from now and I'm stressed. I want to the know run down of the schedule and I want to know when I need to arrive at the grad student's house and I'm also nervous about staying with a grad student?? Like I have all of these what ifs in my head and I know it'll all be okay no matter what as long as I make it back home alive and whatnot but is anyone else just a little scared? Also I'm such an awkward little bean and I really hope they like awkward beans..

[goldenxpenguins]

3 minutes ago, Psych1st said:

Y'all.. not gonna lie I'm scared 

I have my first and only interview a week from now and I'm stressed. I want to the know run down of the schedule and I want to know when I need to arrive at the grad student's house and I'm also nervous about staying with a grad student?? Like I have all of these what ifs in my head and I know it'll all be okay no matter what as long as I make it back home alive and whatnot but is anyone else just a little scared? Also I'm such an awkward little bean and I really hope they like awkward beans..

Good luck with the interview, you got this! You wouldn't have been invited for one if the admissions committee didn't think you were a great fit for the program. This post sounds so much like me that I almost thought I wrote it ?. I too am an awkward little bean so I feel you! 

[justacigar]

17 minutes ago, Psych1st said:

Y'all.. not gonna lie I'm scared 

I have my first and only interview a week from now and I'm stressed. I want to the know run down of the schedule and I want to know when I need to arrive at the grad student's house and I'm also nervous about staying with a grad student?? Like I have all of these what ifs in my head and I know it'll all be okay no matter what as long as I make it back home alive and whatnot but is anyone else just a little scared? Also I'm such an awkward little bean and I really hope they like awkward beans..

I feel this so hard! I only have one interview so far and I do think it will be my only one, which amps up the pressure to 1000%. I tend to be a very Type A control freak, and traveling stresses me out in general. I also am usually very uncomfortable in other people's houses, even AirBnbs. 

I can also be awkward and quiet in new situations so I understand that worry. I think there is an element of letting go, enjoying the chance to explore the program and meet the students/faculty, and making sure it's a good fit for you. You will rock it!

[SocPsyPhDWannabe]

Haven't heard a peep from anyone. The only school on my list that I know sent out invites is FSU, and I didn't get (as expected). Feeling a little beat down at this point. Waiting another year seems horrible. 

[andhowdoesthatmakeyoufeel]

I feel like an ass, but here I am doing it anyway. I had an interview last week, and they said decisions would go out "in the next two weeks." I've seen a few pop up on the results page, but not a ton.

The PI responded to my thank you email today along the lines of "Thank you for your kind note, passed it on to the lab," but didn't say anything about if I'm rejected or not haha. I hate this. 

[psychologygeek]

On 1/14/2020 at 1:53 PM, clinicalpsych.2020 said:

Anyone else already looking at apartments on Zillow in the cities of schools that invited you to interview? ?

YES! at least im not crazy lol, My cousin went to UNT and loved living in Denton

[psychologygeek]

Y'all I deadas* think I am about to be rejected from all of my PhD programs except one, an even then I still have to go through the interview process, so nothing is a guarantee. 

I do have several research-based Masters programs as a backup, but my first goal is obviously to land in a PhD program. My mom (who also has her PhD) keeps telling me that I just need one "yes", but it still sucks crossing schools off my list and wondering what I did wrong ? Please don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited to have gotten an interview from UTSW as it is one of my top schools but watching my list dwindle sucks as I don't have a backup in case I get rejected after the interview. This whole process is a rollercoaster