Venting Thread- Vent about anything.

[Dwr]

I don't want to live with neighbours who make hyena noises at night. I want food. I want to take back time. I don't want any of my life.

[chupacabra]

Made it to my top grad school/program of choice, I'm in my third month of my very first semester, and I have no friends despite my program's very small size.  We all know each other, but a combination of my introverted nature and odd cohort dynamics have left me on the outskirts of bonding as other students grow closer; I'm questioning if I can find genuine friends here now. I'm trying to be friendly and interact positively, but so far have yet to see any payoff. I had no idea it would be so difficult to find friends when we're all ostensibly here for the same reason; I don't think I've ever had this much trouble before, and it makes me long to move back to cities where I've made real and abiding friendships.

There are maybe three or so "ringleaders" to whom most of my colleagues flock. Cliques have formed. The atmosphere is somewhat petty and secretive. The three ringleaders take part in exclusive group texts that about a third of my cohort regularly participates in -- during one of our required courses this is especially apparent, when looking around the table one sees people making eye contact and then texting, smirking at one another over their laptops as they hold a hilarious private conversation about something or other (while the professor lectures).  This is constant.

I am not part of this ongoing group conversation.  I'm torn between feeling sad and left out, and feeling somewhat nonplussed that so many of my colleagues aren't paying full attention in class/are participating in what is kind of immature behavior.  Mostly, I'm disappointed: I didn't think it would feel so impossible to forge a connection.

Edited November 2, 2017 by chupacabra

[jjj02027]

1 hour ago, chupacabra said:

Made it to my top grad school/program of choice, I'm in my third month of my very first semester, and I have no friends despite my program's very small size.  We all know each other, but a combination of my introverted nature and odd cohort dynamics have left me on the outskirts of bonding as other students grow closer; I'm questioning if I can find genuine friends here now. I'm trying to be friendly and interact positively, but so far have yet to see any payoff. I had no idea it would be so difficult to find friends when we're all ostensibly here for the same reason; I don't think I've ever had this much trouble before, and it makes me long to move back to cities where I've made real and abiding friendships.

There are maybe three or so "ringleaders" to whom most of my colleagues flock. Cliques have formed. The atmosphere is somewhat petty and secretive. The three ringleaders take part in exclusive group texts that about a third of my cohort regularly participates in -- during one of our required courses this is especially apparent, when looking around the table one sees people making eye contact and then texting, smirking at one another over their laptops as they hold a hilarious private conversation about something or other (while the professor lectures).  This is constant.

I am not part of this ongoing group conversation.  I'm torn between feeling sad and left out, and feeling somewhat nonplussed that so many of my colleagues aren't paying full attention in class/are participating in what is kind of immature behavior.  Mostly, I'm disappointed: I didn't think it would feel so impossible to forge a connection.

May I ask what course it is?

I find it surprising that such cliques / passive aggressiveness exist at grad school, given that these are 'graduates',  i.e. adults.

Perhaps it is a younger cohort than usual. I don't think you need to feel sad or left out for not being involved or attached to cliques or immature 'private' jokes. But it's a shame that there is no-one mature enough to mitigate this passive aggressive behaviour of 'circling people out'. I hope you find someone like-minded, who is mature and serious about graduate school.

As somewhat introverted myself, I understand your concern. Obviously don't block people out, but don't resort to their immaturity and just be confident about yourself! (feel free to ignore advice from a complete stranger)

Edited November 2, 2017 by jjj02027

[vaporeon]

I wonder if what I need to vent about is valid, but here goes:

I have an NSF GRFP fellowship, and yet I'm still working for my advisor A LOT of hours. I asked him about what the expectations were this year, now that I don't need to get my stipend by working in his lab, and he basically told me that he wouldn't "be able to" give me as strong of recommendations or as much attention if I don't continue working on his lab. I think that could be true--after all, I'll be working more closely with him if I work on his project, but it also felt to me like a thinly-veiled threat (i.e., "keep working for me or I'll screw you in the job market"). I didn't want to just quit, because I know he needs grad students in order to get all the work done, and the work is interesting to me, but I would have liked some acknowledgement that I'm working for free, and that I should also be free to pursue my own project. After all, I thought that was sort of the point of the NSF GRFP. And also, aren't there some kind of laws against this? Or are we grad students completely powerless?

[PokePsych]

off topic but there are so many people with pokemon nicknames and/or pictures here. Love you all!

[GreenEyedTrombonist]

So one of my schools has yet to receive my GRE scores that I sent over a month ago. I double-checked and the code was right and everything. Waiting to hear from ETS what happened.

[PokePsych]

Just got robbed of the street of my phone (stolen out of my hand) chased the what-looked-like-a-16-year-old-girl screaming which made her drop it. 

Then the mum of the boys I babysit called that they got robbed of their bikes on the street during the Dutch version of trick or treat. They're 8 & 6 and traumatized. Wtf is happening to this world for real. (and best wishes from Amsterdam)

Edited November 22, 2017 by Psygeek

[Guest]

^ Wow, insane.

[timetobegin]

Rant for a second:

The vagueness of some Schools and their requirements is ridiculous. One school writes on their site that they want transcripts (okay), your CV (also okay), a writing sample (still good), and 'a 1000 word research proposal/proposed plan of study/statement of intent of your academic interests'. 

 

....soooo which one do you want?!?! One is a highly objective scientific proposal. One is a more general, but still well-thought-out plan of action for a project. And the other is a personal statement about you and your general interests. That is literally the only thing they write about this statement; I haven't found any information anywhere else. I e-mailed the school and have heard no response. A potential supervisor told me to go for a research proposal, but he's new to the country and admits he doesn't know how the application situation works at this university. I heard back from a grad student who suggested the same, so that's what I went for, but I think it's ridiculous how purposely vague they make it -- if they expect a Research Proposal and you write a statement of intent, your application would be guaranteed to be skipped over.

[kingslayer]

I still remember the feeling. The feeling of how I felt when I was accepted into grad school. The feeling of traveling across the country to go to grad school. How scared I felt leaving everything I’ve ever known behind, how excited I was for everything that was ahead. The feeling that my life was going to start over again. I don’t know how to express it.

And then I got here, and I was no longer the straight A student I was in undergrad. I remember thinking that I’d get a 4.0 again, and now I’m barely clinging onto a 3.5. I’m probably going to be below a 3.5 in this semester and I’ll get kicked out and I’m so scared because I don’t know what I will do if I’m kicked out. I do the readings, and I’m still sitting in class, frozen, panicking. I’m constantly on 100 and I can’t do anything except panic.

It’s not even like it’s warranted; I turned in a draft of paper and I got a B+, which is an OK grade since it’s hard to get A’s in that class, and then I ruined it because I was so afraid to send in another draft of the paper in a reasonable amount of time. My professor hates me and I'm petrified whenever I walk into class.

I feel so sad and so scared all of the time. I just feel so incompetent when compared to everyone else. I expected to be some sort of savant, but now I try my best and it isn’t enough. I’m not good at school, I’m not good at work, I’m not good at anything and I spend most of my time outside of school crying. I’m so hard on myself and I don’t know why. I have so many things to do but it’s so therapeutic to type this. I can’t talk to my cohort members because they have everything together and I’m just over here wishing I were dead.

I’m so behind in everything and it’s all just added up. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I love what I’m doing but I think about myself compared to my classmates and my professors and I feel like such an incompetent failure. I’m going to start counseling but I think it may be too late and that I’ll be kicked out and it is all I can think about whenever I do anything because I have no idea what I’ll do.

I keep feeling so negative all of the time. Like I don’t want to get kicked out, I don’t want to leave, I know I’m improving and I know this is literally the first time I’ve counseled ANYONE or have done anything like this. But I’m not good at it. I’m trying but I’m not good at it. It’s probably a self-fulfilling prophecy but I don’t want to get my hopes up and then get kicked out. I don’t know what to do.

In other news, I think I have a major depressive disorder, mild, with anxious features. So there’s that.

Edited December 2, 2017 by kingslayer

[Archaeodan]

Just moved 11 hours away from my favorite place I've ever lived for a new job and it's not what I expected. My bosses have no idea what I'm doing, rarely ever come to the office, and keep piling more tasks on that weren't in my job description. They don't understand the computer program (which they still haven't downloaded to my computer so i'm stuck using the open source program which is unintuitive) they hired me to run, so their requests are vague and unreasonable for the time frame. So, when they ask more things on top of my main project, I get super frustrated because the main project is huge and I don't know what they want and I can't do 8 things at once and get everything done on time. And then my boss tells me she's sending me to a forestry conference next week because she wants company representation there? Like...this is so not my job? Like...you know this means another day I'm not working, right? And this is only my first damn week. My coworkers are not social and the town is tiny, so meeting new people is hard. The loneliness and boredom is hitting me kinda hard.

I miss my friends. I miss my old job, even though I know this job is worlds better for my career. I miss living some where near civilization, where I can do outdoorsy things without fearing for my life if it snows in the mountains or my car breaks down where there's no cell service or humans. I miss the culture of home. I miss my old life. I miss being called by my nickname, because people here prefer my legal name and insist on calling me that. I'm just done. 

I'm sure it'll improve if I give it more time, but it sucks to all hell right now.

[TammyTams]

I'm probably the 1,766th person to say it but...I am so nervous about this rounds of apps. This is my second time applying to PhD programs. Last year was a waste of money and time but I've learned from the majority of my mistakes. I'm just terrified I won't get the chance to interview and prove myself and then boom...years later, I'll still be applying. Meaaaaanwhile, I have associates who just wanted the 'doctor' title and not do the actual work. They got into programs just to flunk out the first quarter. Both of them. Those are sacred spots in PhD programs that other, SERIOUS people could've been in. I just need a chance to prove myself and sadly within a few weeks that chance may come or go :/ I hope the professors I contacted were genuinely interested back and not just having conversation just to have it. I really want this and I'm praying they look past my poor GRE scores and see how much of a great applicant I am... I'm pretty sure this is everyone's story, which is why I'm wishing everyone the best, as well!!

Aside from my tear-fest, I'm annoyed as hell at one of my LORs who said he would do my letters by the due date...THE DUE DATE HAS PASSED AND HE'S DECIDED TO SKIP TOWN ACCORDING TO HIS AUTOMATIC REPLY (WTF). I get angrier each time I think about it...

[EvelynD]

Tammy, I can feel your frustation about your associates! I hope you land a spot this time. i'm also a second-timer, and I have the same fears about not being accepted. I know my LoR's anren't going to try a third time, so this is it. I'm not religious but even I am saying little prayers from time to time!

[mfafiction2019]

I'm applying to PhD programs this cycle and since I currently live in a town with a big and well known university (whose department I'm applying to), I figured I would try to network some there. I've had mixed results, because on one hand, a couple of professors in the department have been super welcoming and open and have even invited me to some department events on campus, but on the other, when I attend said events, I feel very much excluded, since I am not currently in school/don't have a PhD like everyone else there. And when I try to participate and give my .02, I feel like everyone else is thinking "who cares what you think because you're not a current PhD student/don't have a PhD," basically, "who the f are you?" For example, at a day-long event, there were numerous break times, but everyone seemed to form little cliques that I attempted to break into but no one would acknowledge my presence and basically acted as if I wasn't there, as if my place there was to "sit down, shut up and listen to the people with PhDs/currently in a PhD program." Then afterward, I feel like a complete failure and that I'll never get in anywhere because I can't successfully network with people in academia in my field and I get severely depressed for a few days. I'm trying to tell myself that everything will be okay if I don't get in anywhere, but my only other plan B is either take out loans and go to this expensive professional MA program that I got into back in September (which I really don't want to do) or continue working contract jobs and focus on my novel writing (which I guess wouldn't be *so* bad, but I would miss doing my research and thinking about my research), but I'm afraid I'll get super depressed like that again (and that's the last thing I want).

[Guest]

Nothing is worse than a Program Director who NEVER responds to your emails. I send an email every 2-4 months and no response. Ever. Why suggest for me to 'seek advice' from a Program Director who never gives a damn to reply. These are also serious requests and inquiries that relate to my plan of study and graduation (I graduate in Spring 2018). I miss the old Program Director, and I don't see this current one lasting here for long. We pay too much money for this damn program to have incompetent and inattentive Program Directors. 

Edited December 6, 2017 by Guest

[Cheshire_Cat]

A final exam for a class I am teaching got rescheduled due to bad weather.  For whatever reason, I am finding this extremely stressful!!

[LauraV]

Can I really vent here. It seems there is too much to think about.

I FINALLY got my second BA in late August.

I've been a crazy mess trying to confirm where I really wish to apply for grad school.

I want to move in advance but it's still in the potential works.

And I'm temp. staying with my sister(who has only got a BA) and she keeps saying, "With all of your debt, what makes you think grad school is a good idea"

AH, DUH, I will need to pay off some of that debt before I die and an Undergrad Art Degree or like it was with my Undergrad Psych degree before it, a hopeless proposition to make payments on the income I could make at that ed. level.  *She cannot see my dreams, she is a downer at times. I want others to understand me. But I need to talk with other grad people(like the walmart pharmacy girl).

 I'm staying with a child in the "terrible 2s!" my sister's grandson.

Do I need to say more?

[PokePsych]

on my period.

[Adelaide9216]

A stranger asked me, politely, if I have fun in life. I just wanted to tell him "f*ck you" but I didn't do it. Getting those kinds of comments from total strangers is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Yes, I am involved in my community. Yes, I am a volunteer. Yes, I prioritize school. Yes, I've won awards for my work and do talks/speeches, etc. But that doesn't mean that I never have fun in life. I do these things because I find them enjoyable. Otherwise, I would not be doing them.

Just because I volunteer more in my community than the average person does not mean that the words "pleasure and fun" aren't part of my vocabulary. 

I hate when people project their own fears, insecurities and expectations on me just because they don't see themselves do the things that I enjoy doing. It makes me feel like an alien and I am not. I am myself. I just which I could be accepted for who I am. I wish people could see more than the tip of the iceberg. They would be surprised how often I laugh in a day. Just because I don't make a Facebook post about it, does not mean that it's non-existent in my life.

 

/endofmyrant

[ShewantsthePhD101]

I try to talk to my mom about things I'm excited about studying/writing on and her eyes glaze over. I be polite when she talks about her job, and when I talk about school she doesn't want to listen. at one point she straight up told me what I was excited about sounded boring.

 

A lot of my recommenders have lost/needed resent the requests for their letters.

 

I had an application listed as due Jan 2. and got an email it's due today, the 15th. I have 5 apps due and don't feel great about any of my writing samples.

 

There's just a lot going on...

[Carly Rae Jepsen]

I just checked the admission decision sections back to 2008.

I know I'll get rejected to some schools (Chicago is such a long shot! Stanford I don't care much for, applied just because it was free to do so but I'll also get rejected there) but I just wish I knew already so I could plan out my life. The uncertainty is killing me.

Thank g*d for the holidays, that shall distract me a little. But I just can't wait lmao

[Tsail]

I've been in my program for 3 years and am behind compared to my colleagues. At first I thought this was exclusively due to illness (I had to take some time off for a surgery), but now feel that my advisor has also contributed to the delays. He has pressed me to take so much course work (more than any other student in my program) that I haven't had enough time to develop my experiments, and has also made me prioritize work he regards as a side project over my actual dissertation. He has been dismissive and obtuse about these issues, even though many other sources in our department have agreed with me. Despite being in the program for so long, he has always brushed off scheduling a committee meeting; I had my first one (in 3 years) in October after approaching the grad chair about it. My advisor then set me up for this meeting by telling me to keep it '5 minutes long,' when it should have been much longer. This caused me to look unprepared, which I think was deliberate on his part to diffuse any blame on him for my delays. I was furious, and still am to be honest.    

 

Now I'm inching towards my proposal defense and have been on the fence about continuing to work with him. He is insisting that a project I have worked on for 3 years in the program shouldn't be a part of my dissertation. He is adamant that it won't be one of my three chapters needed to graduate. Bear in mind that I have not advanced in any other research at this point. I also find it strange that my advisor told me that I cannot use the project, but strangely, has told our grad chair the opposite. At this point, I do not trust him, like him, or respect him professionally. He has a reputation for being lazy and duplicitous (e.g. yelled at his female postdoc, 'Are you deaf?!'; hasn't applied for grants; did not provide or discuss the protocol for a new round of experiments I did last summer; bad-mouthed me to another grad student), and I feel like he is taking advantage of my time. I would very much like to work with another advisor, but am worried about the ramifications of doing this so late in the program. However, after mulling it over for months I think the trade-off would be worth it. My health deteriorated under him, and even though he always said he cared, he was never responsive to my concerns.

 

I will give him one last chance. On our weekly meeting this Monday I will ask again to use this 'side project' for my dissertation. I will ask professionally, with evidence as to why it should be included. If he stills says no, then I will leave his group and work with someone else. I don't deserve to be further delayed and robbed of my time.

[PokePsych]

Some people are just impossible to cooperate with UGH

[Archaeodan]

This warm front is bringing rain and melting all the snow. Just in time for Christmas. So again, we don't get a White Christmas despite getting snow every single day for the past week. I'm unreasonably frustrated about this.

[CubismCubed]

My cryptos aren't gaining value fast enough!!!! They've only tripled since I first bought!!!!