Cryss Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, MichelleObama said: Penn has some strong women on their faculty studying Shakespeare and race theory and I am VERY ANXIOUS TO HEAR FROM THEM. I was nervous about my application this cycle because there aren't so many faculty in programs I found desirable working within that particular niche. I'm not especially interested in complicating the decision I already have to make, but a Penn acceptance would definitely f*ck me allll the way up. I took the GRE (performed medium well on verbal and writing with an embarrassingly low quantitative score) at the last minute specifically for Penn and Yale & my scores reflect the impulse ? I find the intersection of early modern drama and race and/or colonialism so captivating! I've mostly read re-imaginations of The Tempest from a colonial perspective, but do you have any suggestions/favorite pieces that really delve into Shakespeare and race theory? I'd love to add it to my reading. Edited February 20, 2020 by Cryss AnachronisticPoet and vondafkossum 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Hoosier Oxonian Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 6 minutes ago, poetryislit said: I feel this!! No other school would complicate the hell out of my decision but Penn ? Just jumping on the "yes from Penn would make my life much harder and I need to know" train! *tears hair and gnashes teeth* poetryislit and MedievalIllusions 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lotsoffeelings Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, sidneys said: I will say that as someone who did interview at columbia I'm also confused about their interview process but not convinced that no interview means rejection––mine was very chatty and not at all the tone I expected for a make-or-break type of interview. my advisor guessed the interviews have more to do with merit fellowships than with the decision to accept or reject. but possibly I just misread the room and it was a make-or-break interview, or possibly the entire process varies by subfield (and on the boards this year, all of the interviews posted seemed to be for 20th/21st century lit; the early modern interview was mine). I know this isn't a sure answer, but I hope the additional details about their interviews help put some minds at ease! Thanks, that's helpful. I am 20th/21st c so that's kind of what set off the spiral of anxiety when I saw that someone else in my period interviewed. I'm just going to count it as implied rejection and try to move on. Edited February 20, 2020 by lotsoffeelings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
timespentreading Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 23 minutes ago, gooniesneversaydie said: I am debating whether to send out an email today. We know it was going to be another week based on previous posts, and today would mark 1 week. So.... today? Tomorrow? July? Just chiming in here with a reminder that the DGS at Brown replied to my inquiry on the 13th saying it could be another "week or so" for decision letters to go out, and that we'll be notified via email when they do. It's been a week since then, but they could easily be planning to take until the end of next week, given her response. But, I know that's not fun news, so I'm in full support of people reaching out whenever they wish tinymica 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BetterLight13 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) I really don't know whether to assume that Brandeis is done issuing acceptances or not. I knew their cohort would be small, but three acceptances and a rejection on the board are baffling. ? Edited February 20, 2020 by BetterLight13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wimsey Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Harvard acceptance on the board! Now I shall wait for my (presumed) rejection. Deleuze 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinymica Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. merry night wanderer, AnachronisticPoet, vondafkossum and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deleuze Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Just got another Ma/PhD offer which I am thrilled about ! Nonetheless, seeing Harvard on the board is making me a bit frantic. I have this strange recurring feeling where I want to get into one of the truly "elite universities" of academia more so as a perverse practice in self-affirmation than to even definitively attend. I feel a bit as if imposter syndrome is getting the better of me or something. Any who, this whole process makes focusing on my undergrad assignments hellish! congrats to everyone whose had good news recently, solidarity with those still waiting. MedievalIllusions, killerbunny, olivetree and 2 others 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooniesneversaydie Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 9 minutes ago, tinymica said: Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. I don't want to pry too much (and I assume you've thought about all of this already), but could your partner move with you? Do you think it could possibly work long distance until they are in a place to move? Or could you stay long distance for the duration of the program and go home during the summer? We make a lot of sacrifices to be in this very elite space, but I hate to think someone has to sacrifice love (again, assuming you are in love). Or, maybe one way to think of it, is which love makes you happier as a person? The current state you're in or the potential to go somewhere for grad school and get PhD? Again, I hate that you would have to choose either. I've been fortunate enough to have a partner who is able to follow me around wherever, but more importantly, is able to handle me during my most stressful academic-related (and nonacademic) times. My hope is that you're able to find what's best for you and you find peace with whatever you potentially need to sacrifice in that journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecogoth Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 10 minutes ago, tinymica said: Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. I fully, fully, fully understand - I chose to only apply to schools in New England precisely because I wanted to be near to family and friends! While limiting in some ways, I also think chasing some elusive idea of "prestige" somewhere fully random can be limiting in a LOT of other ways. In short, quality of life matters - and I don't think the notion of prestige outweighs happiness! Like truly, what does success mean to you? merry night wanderer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emailchecker Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 And just like that the Harvard dream ends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Indecisive Poet Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) 58 minutes ago, tinymica said: Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. Seconding others who have asked if your partner can move with you (either now or in the near future). I think the biggest factor here is how serious your relationship is (and whether or not they're willing to move is potentially a part of that). It's really easy to tell young 20-somethings not to choose love over a career and it's usually good advice. But the situation changes when that person is your life partner (or if you think they might be and have discussed this with them). At that point, it's a situation unlike anything else, really – families remain families even when they only see each other a couple times a year, but relationships don't work that way. A lot of younger people who are applying to programs right now with or without girlfriends/boyfriends will tell you to choose your career over your S/O, but this dynamic becomes much more like asking someone to never see their child again when your S/O is your partner, a part of your family. It becomes a non-option. I say all of this because I'm totally here with you: the application cycle didn't go well for my partner and I, and the most likely scenario for us now is one of us giving up academia indefinitely unless I manage to get a hold of the uber-competitive funding offered by the two British PhD programs we've been accepted to (spoiler: it's unlikely). And it's been frustrating having certain people on this forum who are rolling in the Best Luck of All Time with their admissions offers give me unsolicited advice based on where they are in their own lives. I suppose what I want to say is: this is a decision only you can make. What kind of future would you be giving up with your S/O? What is this person to you, and you to them? And, secondarily, how big of a dip in rankings are we talking? There's a big difference between 13 v. 20 and 13 v. 65. We live in a hypercapitalist and careerist country/global society that cons us into believing independence and entrepreneurship at the expense of all else are actually intrinsic human values – but they aren't. If going to a lower-ranked program would open up every other section of your life for you, it sounds like that's right for you. If you think ending this relationship would mean you being sad for a time and then getting on with things, you might need to make the tougher decision. The question really is: what will matter more in the long term? FWIW, I would kill for my decision to be as simple as choosing a program lower down the rungs. Being faced with no other option but re-applying or giving up the career has really put into perspective what I would have been willing to do if it had been that simple (although a very different decision may be what's right for you). Even still, the decision is a non-decision for me because giving up my family is not an option, but it's such a rough spot to be in. Edited February 20, 2020 by Indecisive Poet Deleuze, merry night wanderer, olivetree and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnachronisticPoet Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 31 minutes ago, tinymica said: Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. I'm in the same situation; my SO and I are serious, but he isn't really willing to consider long distance or relocating. However, he's always said that he wants me to make the choice for my career that I need to make, and although I hope we can work something out, he understands that if I get into a program I'm going. This is such a tough field (as we all know) that I always felt like if I turned down an opportunity now, I'd really regret it later on. Best of luck to you guys ❤️ tinymica and Deleuze 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snorkles Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 5 minutes ago, Indecisive Poet said: Seconding others who have asked if your partner can move with you (either now or in the near future). I think the biggest factor here is how serious your relationship is. It's really easy to tell young 20-somethings not to choose love over a career and it's usually good advice. But the situation changes when that person is your life partner (or if you think they might be and have discussed this with them). At that point, it's a situation unlike anything else, really – families remain families even when they only see each other a couple times a year, but relationships don't work that way. A lot of younger people who are applying to programs right now with or without girlfriends/boyfriends will tell you to choose your career over your S/O, but this dynamic becomes much more like asking someone to never see their child again when your S/O is your partner, a part of your family. It becomes a non-option. I say all of this because I'm totally here with you: the application cycle didn't go well for my partner and I, and the most likely scenario for us now is one of us giving up academia indefinitely unless I manage to get a hold of the uber-competitive funding offered by the two British PhD programs I've been accepted to (spoiler: it's unlikely). It's been frustrating having certain people on this forum who are rolling in the Best Luck of All Time with their admissions offers give me unsolicited advice. I suppose what I'm saying is: this is a decision you need to make. What kind of future would you be giving up with your S/O? How serious is this? What is this person to you, and you to them? We live in a hypercapitalist and careerist country/global society that encourages independence and entrepreneurship at the expense of all else – but this doesn't necessarily align with everyone's values. If going to a lower-ranked program would open up every other section of your life for you, it sounds like that's right for you. If you think ending this relationship would mean you being sad for a time and then getting on with things, you might need to make the tougher decision. The question really is: what will matter more in the long term? FWIW, I would kill for my decision to be as simple as choosing a program lower down the rungs. Being faced with no other option but re-applying or giving up the career has really put into perspective for me what I would have been willing to do if it had been that simple. Even still, the decision is a non-decision for me because giving up my family is not an option, but it's looking like government bureaucracy might force it anyway (long story). It's a rough spot to be in. This is wonderful. I agree 100 percent. tinymica and Indecisive Poet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3131 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 3 hours ago, sidneys said: I will say that as someone who did interview at columbia I'm also confused about their interview process but not convinced that no interview means rejection––mine was very chatty and not at all the tone I expected for a make-or-break type of interview. my advisor guessed the interviews have more to do with merit fellowships than with the decision to accept or reject. but possibly I just misread the room and it was a make-or-break interview, or possibly the entire process varies by subfield (and on the boards this year, all of the interviews posted seemed to be for 20th/21st century lit; the early modern interview was mine). I know this isn't a sure answer, but I hope the additional details about their interviews help put some minds at ease! Hello! Current first year Columbia student lurking on these forums... I thought it might be helpful to clarify to all that Columbia narrows down its applicants by subfield and then basically they all have a big meeting to negotiate how many students they want/are able to accept from each subfield. Whether they want to use interviews to help narrow down their list of finalists is up to the individual subfield, and plenty of people got in who were never interviewed. I will say, at risk of disappointing, that subfields that do interview will interview *every* finalist, so if someone else interviewed in your subfield, that unfortunately isn’t a good sign. Also Columbia does not give merit money. The standard fellowship is a named fellowship so it may look like it’s “fancy” but the graduate school clarified that it’s the same for everyone. Indecisive Poet, Deleuze and sidneys 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3131 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, 3131 said: Hello! Current first year Columbia student lurking on these forums... I thought it might be helpful to clarify to all that Columbia narrows down its applicants by subfield and then basically they all have a big meeting to negotiate how many students they want/are able to accept from each subfield. Whether they want to use interviews to help narrow down their list of finalists is up to the individual subfield, and plenty of people got in who were never interviewed. I will say, at risk of disappointing, that subfields that do interview will interview *every* finalist, so if someone else interviewed in your subfield, that unfortunately isn’t a good sign. Also Columbia does not give merit money. The standard fellowship is a named fellowship so it may look like it’s “fancy” but the graduate school clarified that it’s the same for everyone. To backtrack a bit: I don’t want to be absolutist about this. It may be possible that some subfields don’t interview all their finalists; I just know in my own, every accepted student was interviewed and this seems to be the case with others, but my knowledge is obviously partial, unscientifically gathered, and a year old, so anything is possible! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gooniesneversaydie Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Do you know, (since we've been discussing relationships) my first rejection of the season was from a school that I really, really wanted to attend, and when I received the rejection email, it truly felt as if I had been dumped. Many of the same emotions surfaced and I found the similarities rather odd. So, I went to Target and bought an entire cheesecake and binged shitty reality TV (Vanderpump Rules, fyi) and cried my heart out for about a week. It was awful but cathartic in a cliche way. So, if going for a walk, run, making something creative, or focusing on school/jobs doesn't work for distracting oneself from the shit show that is waiting/deciding, I highly recommend cheesecake, Vanderpump Rules, and crying. Cryss, bethisbetter, Indecisive Poet and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MichelleObama Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 12 minutes ago, AnachronisticPoet said: I'm in the same situation; my SO and I are serious, but he isn't really willing to consider long distance or relocating. However, he's always said that he wants me to make the choice for my career that I need to make, and although I hope we can work something out, he understands that if I get into a program I'm going. This is such a tough field (as we all know) that I always felt like if I turned down an opportunity now, I'd really regret it later on. Best of luck to you guys ❤️ My SO is also unwilling to consider relocating--we are both from the west coast and I only applied to schools in the east as I have lived in the same region for 31 years. I'm not particularly interested in the sun or any of the UC schools, but we went to San Diego to visit his family over Christmas and I definitely felt like a moron for not applying to any of the UC's/Stanford! The sun is really cool, Seattle just made me forget that. We both have pretty lovely lives set up here and he isn't down to give up the community and opportunities he has set up for himself here, which I respect. Hell, I already have people waiting in line for my job and apartment! Our plan is to do long-distance until we decide to start a family (probably around the time I enter candidacy), at which point he will have to move. He's a touring musician and goes on east coast tours a couple times a year, so there will be that! I love the idea of catching one of his shows in Brooklyn or Cambridge. Until then, I'm kind of looking forward to long distance?? I love the idea of being physically displaced from my family, SO, and friends and grinding out this first year immersed in my department and my research. meghan_sparkle and AnachronisticPoet 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry night wanderer Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) There just aren't any easy answers when it comes to juggling a partner and a selective career that often requires relocation (or an artistic career, for that matter). This last summer I was a conference/workshop drinking with a bunch of novelists and the topic of "how do you both achieve your dreams when you're both ambitious" came up and the answers were just... crickets. One person takes the lead while the other waits for their turn? Taking backseat while your partner takes the lead? Long distance? (It's doable. I did it for 8 months at a time once! And 5 years overall. It is also the very worst.) Sticking together and turning down opportunities but hustling twice as hard to make it? All are valid; all have downsides. And if not now, it might be an issue when it comes to job hunting. These are excruciating decisions and they are no one's to make but yours, no one should feel pressured into any one path. Lots of solidarity, as I also have to make decisions on this basis soon... Edited February 20, 2020 by merry night wanderer Indecisive Poet and gooniesneversaydie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinymica Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 (edited) 44 minutes ago, gooniesneversaydie said: I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. I don't want to pry too much (and I assume you've thought about all of this already), but could your partner move with you? Do you think it could possibly work long distance until they are in a place to move? Or could you stay long distance for the duration of the program and go home during the summer? We make a lot of sacrifices to be in this very elite space, but I hate to think someone has to sacrifice love (again, assuming you are in love). Or, maybe one way to think of it, is which love makes you happier as a person? The current state you're in or the potential to go somewhere for grad school and get PhD? Again, I hate that you would have to choose either. I've been fortunate enough to have a partner who is able to follow me around wherever, but more importantly, is able to handle me during my most stressful academic-related (and nonacademic) times. My hope is that you're able to find what's best for you and you find peace with whatever you potentially need to sacrifice in that journey. Thank you for taking the time to reply; I am so appreciative of this community! My boyfriend is willing to move with me, but only if I stay on the west coast (we're from California, specifically the LA area). I don't blame him at all for not wanting to move cross-country. When I asked him to consider it, I did so without expecting or demanding anything. We've made a plan that if I stay in the west, we'll be long-distance until he's 1) saved enough to make the move and 2) found a job in the area. I don't think I'd be able to maintain a long-distance relationship for the entire length of the program. You ask some very good question about happiness and I have to say I don't know the answer right now. I love my boyfriend and I love the work I'll get to do when I start school. I don't know how to measure them at the moment. I have to say, I'm so happy that your partner is able to move with you and support you! Having someone like that in your life is such a blessing! Thank you for your well wishes. Edited February 20, 2020 by tinymica forgot a word! gooniesneversaydie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jm6394 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 55 minutes ago, tinymica said: Sorry if this is too personal, I just want to vent quickly... I'm feeling very conflicted. At the moment, I'm in a 1a/1r/1w/4p situation. Honestly, I'm not upset about it. I'm pleased with the offer I did receive and I wasn't very attached to the school that rejected me or the school that waitlisted me. Like everyone else I've been in a state of constant anxiety, swinging between fear and excitement. I can't stop thinking about Brown (my top choice), but I don't know how to process my feelings about it. It would be amazing if I did get an offer from them, which I absolutely don't expect because they're so prestigious and I'm really not up to that caliber, but I almost....don't want to go? And that's crazy, right? Because it's Brown. Part of me gets so excited about the opportunities waiting there. But another part of me is stuck on the massive change to my personal life that that would bring: I would have to end my relationship, which I really don't want to do. And actually, that would be the case if I chose to go to any of the 4 schools I'm waiting for. All those programs would objectively be better than the one I was accepted into; I feel that if I got a really good offer from any of them I wouldn't be able to refuse. So that makes me feel like I almost don't want any more offers. And that's even crazier. Of course, I don't know anything yet and I'm just stuck in this spiral of speculation. Anyway, time to go for a walk and not think about this for a while. Just wanted to also express my sympathy and solidarity here. I have a partner who would move with me to wherever I needed to go, but I wasn’t in love with the idea and what that might mean down the road in terms of resentment or limiting his career options just because I’ve figured out a bit more of what I want before he has. I felt going into this process and still that the best thing for me, personally and academically would be to take an offer in NYC, where we live. I FULLY expected to be shut out or receive only one offer, and the latter is looking to be true—luckily, the one offer I have is where I want and need to be. Rejections from other programs, lower and higher ranked, have all given me relief simply because of the difficult alternatives that would come with picking up and moving my life, even if my partner came with me. Wishing you all the best and congratulations for all you’ve already accomplished! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
merry night wanderer Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 4 minutes ago, MichelleObama said: I love the idea of being physically displaced from my family, SO, and friends and grinding out this first year immersed in my department and my research. I've also been dreaming these bizarre dreams about having an apartment alone, for the first time in my life. (I mean, in my case, I might be moving closer to my partner, but we wouldn't live together at first.) I'm just so ready to get to work. I'm going to miss my friends and family terribly, but I just want to be an unrepentant workaholic with few social ties for awhile lol Deleuze, bethisbetter and lovely coward 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caffeinated applicant Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 21 minutes ago, Indecisive Poet said: We live in a hypercapitalist and careerist country/global society that cons us into believing independence and entrepreneurship at the expense of all else are actually intrinsic human values – but they aren't. If going to a lower-ranked program would open up every other section of your life for you, it sounds like that's right for you. If you think ending this relationship would mean you being sad for a time and then getting on with things, you might need to make the tougher decision. The question really is: what will matter more in the long term? All of this post is Very Very Good. I keep writing and deleting, but I'll leave these two linked thoughts: In my limited experience (being a young person without a large social circle), it appears that women experience an even higher pressure than men to, essentially, dump the partner and pursue the career. This strikes me as reactionary--a response to centuries of women being told never to start a career and that the highest goal to attain is a husband. Sometimes the right answer is to prioritize something that isn't career or "dream" job, whether that's partner or family or work-life balance or any manner of other things. I left Big City to move to Small City when my partner got a job near there, and it felt somehow antifeminist to follow them, even though I was working a temp job as a receptionist in Big City and had no job prospects beyond that after dozens and dozens of applications. I got a much better job here than I could have in Big City. It was a leap of faith, but it worked out. Would I have been as happy if it didn't? Perhaps it always was going to work out, one way or another. This isn't an advice post, but another datapoint. AtlasFox and meghan_sparkle 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinymica Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 41 minutes ago, ecogoth said: I fully, fully, fully understand - I chose to only apply to schools in New England precisely because I wanted to be near to family and friends! While limiting in some ways, I also think chasing some elusive idea of "prestige" somewhere fully random can be limiting in a LOT of other ways. In short, quality of life matters - and I don't think the notion of prestige outweighs happiness! Like truly, what does success mean to you? I considered doing the same! I ended up applying to a lot of schools on the east coast because I suddenly felt that I was limiting myself by wanting to stay in California and by applying only to middle-tier schools. I personally don't put much value into prestige and I initially wanted to avoid it, but I was encouraged to think about how much a degree from a prestigious program is worth down the line. Most, if not all, of us want a TT job after graduation and we are all aware of how scarce those opportunities are. That's why I feel I couldn't refuse an offer from a big-name program, though a big name doesn't mean success to me. I would honestly be happy with my one acceptance so far (UW), but I feel like that program doesn't stand up to others I've applied to (UVA, Brown, UPenn). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidneys Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 27 minutes ago, 3131 said: Hello! Current first year Columbia student lurking on these forums... I thought it might be helpful to clarify to all that Columbia narrows down its applicants by subfield and then basically they all have a big meeting to negotiate how many students they want/are able to accept from each subfield. Whether they want to use interviews to help narrow down their list of finalists is up to the individual subfield, and plenty of people got in who were never interviewed. I will say, at risk of disappointing, that subfields that do interview will interview *every* finalist, so if someone else interviewed in your subfield, that unfortunately isn’t a good sign. Also Columbia does not give merit money. The standard fellowship is a named fellowship so it may look like it’s “fancy” but the graduate school clarified that it’s the same for everyone. thanks for the clarification, it's easy to start speculating and get totally off the mark while waiting decisions out! 3131 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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